Feel Alive
by Rhinos.Vs.Unicorns
Summary: He freshened the air she breathed; she was the reason he got up in the morning.  They needed eachother, for stress relief, a wake-up call, or maybe just their own sanity.  Kendall/Camille.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! This is my new Kendall/Camille fic:) I've never really written this pairing before (well, not written it to last at least, I had them hook up like once) so I figured I'd give it a try. This first chapter is gonna be in songfic form to Samuel Larsen's Feel Alive, but after that it's just gonna be a normal story (but if you really like the songfic, tell me and I might do a couple other chapters). That's all for now!**

_***~*~Story timee~*~***_

Camille slid the door to her apartment open slowly, letting the cool night air brush over her skin. She stepped out onto the hard cement, the roughness scratching against her bare toes. Brushing some hair out of her face, she thought of how these meetings had become the highlight of her days, or, rather, nights. Her career was going nowhere, her days filled with slow and boring circles of auditions and rejections. Her relationship, which had been rekindled with Logan, was dull, him constantly warning that they needed to take i slow. Nothing pulled her out of her comfort zone or pushed her boundaries the way these meet ups did.

A smile broke across Camille's face as she watched the outline of Kendall's lanky body climbing down the fire escape, and she crossed her arms over here chest, thinking that there were some advantages to having a first floor apartment.

Kendall shook his head of thick, shaggy blonde hair and looked across the water. He saw Camille already on the other side, making her way away from her back door and closer to the edge of the legendary Palm Woods pool. Kendall glanced back up at the window he'd crept out of, envying Camille in her not having to climb down that dreaded skinny rusty ladder.

Kendall's green eyes lit up as he walked slowly around the pool. His recording sessions and concerts had gotten old, the daily schemes with the boys growing more and more routine and less exciting. Jo leaving had left him feeling numb, and before these nights, he'd begun to wonder if he'd ever get his fire back.

_Tell me tell me_

_Why I can't have you_

_And tell me tell me_

_What should I do?_

A small twinge of regret flared up in the pit Kendall's stomach as he stalked closer to Camille, watching her bite her lip and beckon him towards her. He tried to shrug it off as he always did, but really, he knew that what they did was wrong. Camille was taken, and by one of his very best friends at that. A kind and loyal boy, who would never cheat, never betray a friend. Yet there he was, sneaking out with that same boy's girlfriend. He just prayed Logan would never find out. What he didn't know, couldn't hurt him.

_Tell me tell me_

_What you are feelin' girl_

_And tell me tell me_

_What you need girl_

Camille licked her lips as Kendall close the gap between them, pressing his hips to hers and sliding his hands around her waist. His bright green eyes glinted in the moonlight, a mischevious glance thrown at her that never felt to give her chills. Of course she liked Logan, of course Logan was a great boyfriend. Logan just couldn't give her everything she needed. Kendall could. Logan didn't give her crazy high. Kendall did. Logan wasn't electric. Kendall was.

_Feel my heart beating fast_

_I've found somebody at last_

Fire seemed to burn Kendall's shoulders where Camille's fingers ran over them, pressing against the tense muscles. All of the stress and pressure he felt was released as he pressed his lips harshly against hers, tension powering the kiss. Jo had never made him feel that much, in fact, no girl had ever made him feel the way Camille did. Every second with Camille was loaded with pressure, chemistry, and emotion. It was like a drug; the rush he got from her was hard to beat.

_I want you to be mine_

_You make me feel so damn alive_

It pissed Kendall off that he couldn't have Camille. The fact that they even had these meetups was proof enough that Camille wasn't getting what she needed from Logan, and that she should just end it with him. The anger fueled him, however, and whatever kind of relatioship they had thrived off of it. His hands roamed up Camille's back and pulled tightly on her soft brown curls, his knuckes turning white from the tense grip.

Of course, if Kendall could've, he would've made Camille choose. It would be better for his own sanity. Still, he was afraid she would choose Logan. Sanity wasn't an issue when he was so addicted to his hot little drug.

_Well I know I know_

_That it's the wrong time_

_Well I know I know_

_It feels so right_

Some things Camille couldn't explain, and one of them was Kendall. She knew it would crush Logan if she dumped him for another guy, and she knew her relationship with Logan was a good thing. A happy, nice, and sane boyfriend was the cherry on top of her bright smile and mascara clumpy lashes. Logan fit into her life just right, no mess. Kendall, on the other hand, only had one place left to go, and that was these meetings late at night. As her boyfriend's best friend, he didn't fit anywhere into the life she had visible to the world. Them being together was messy, and just not right. The issue was, when he bit her lip and growled into her ear, it made her feel things she never thought she would. She smiled as he did just that, her hand sliding onto his chest and pulling at the fabric of his t-shirt.

_Well I know I know_

_That I could make you happy_

_Well I know and I know and I know_

_That you're just not ready_

Kendall moved a hand to her thigh, letting it work its way up and slide under her skirt and between her legs. His thumb massaged the skin at the top of her inner thigh, where he was just barely allowed. A slip of his finger and he'd be up in places where Logan never went, which was one of Camille's main complaints about the all-too-brainy boy. As his finger traced along the edge of her underwear, he knew that they'd never be able to be public about this, even after she and Logan ended it. It was far too frowned upon, which was part of why it was so exciting. The location of his hand also helped in that department.

_Feel my heart beating fast_

_I've found somebody at last_

Camille gasped as she felt Kendall slip a finger under her underwear, but she didn't move;he was allowed. She held the back of his neck, their foreheads pressed together and their heavy breathing hot on each other's faces.

_I want you to be mine_

_You make me feel so damn alive_

Her breath hitched as Kendall's finger entered her, pulling slowly in and out. She kissed his neck tenderly, making sure not to leave any unexplainable hickeys. They had to do well keeping their secret under wraps. Her hands gripped and pulled his air as he pushed deeper; if feeling was what Camille had been searching for, she had sure gotten it.

_I know it may seem cliche_

_But no one's made me feel this way_

_Whenever you shed a tear_

_You know I'll be standing here_

Kendall slowly pulled his finger out of Camille, looking deep into her eyes. There was a pain there, the pain of rejection. Camille had already confessed that it was him, not Logan, that she'd like at first, resulting in her slapping him. She'd thought he seemed unattainable, which he didn't understand coming from a girl as beautiful as her. Then Jo came along, crushing any chances she might've had. It killed him that she thought she'd had to settle, when what both of them really wanted was each other.

_I know it may seem cliche_

_But no one's made me feel this way_

_When it's just you and I_

_You make me feel so alive_

Camille returned Kendall's steady but passionate gaze. She let herself get lost in his eyes, so green they were almost yellow, and the way his hair cast a shadow over his face.

Before she had a moment to collect her thoughts, she felt her body hitting the cool water of the pool, not heated at night, with a pair of strong arms wrapped around her. This was another great thing about hanging out with Kendall. Not only was it hot and intense, but it was fun, adventurous, and carefree. One minute she was getting fingered, the next, dragged into a pool. She just never knew.

_Feel my heart beating fast_

_I've found somebody at last_

Kendall laughed and put an arm around Camille's shoulders, pulling her up and out of the water. They were both fully dressed and completely drenched, hair falling int their faces in stringy clumps. Camille grinned and wiped her eyes, her makeup running down her face like black tears.

"Climbing back up that ladder is gonna be a bitch in soaking skinny jeans," Kendall said witha smile.

"Hey," Camille replied, "you brought this upon yourself."

_I want you to be mine_

_You make me feel so damn alive_

Kendall pulled her close, kissing her slowly and deliberately. His toungue pushed forward into her mouth, her hand holding along his jawline and his on her lower back, which was underwater. Both their lips tasted like chlorine, and they could only imagine how pissed Bitters would be if he saw them. That went for more than just Bitters, however.

"That's true in more ways then one," Kendall muttered after they pulled away from the kiss.

"Maybe what you're thinking of is both our faults," Camille told him. She trailed her fingers through the clear water, silver moonlight sparkling and reflecting off of it, just like Kendall's eyes.

Whosever fault it was, they needed eachother; they needed their little pieces of life.

**A/N: So, that's that! Hope you liked it:) Review pretty please! Also, even though he doesn't make an appearance in this chapter, James will be a pretty major character throughout the story. And, obviously Logan too, but that's kind of a given when Camille's involved. We'll see what I think of for Carlos;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry this took forever to update! My power was out forever, and now I'm having this crazy moving-aroundy weekend soo... sorry!**

_***~*~Flyyy~*~***_

"Good morning sunshine!"

Kendall groaned, dragging a hand over his face. He rolled over, the soft pillow squishing under his head and tempting him to go back to sleep. When he turned over, Kendall found James's face just inches from his, already up and alert. He was cleanshaven and his hair fell perfectly as always, his breath minty and his teeth their usual shiny white.

"What time is is?" Kendall grumbled. He felt the scruff on his chin and rubbed his eye, wondering how long James had been up. Clearly, it was long enough to spend his necessary time achieving perfection.

"Seven. Gustavo wants us in the studio by 7:30, and it takes five minutes to get there, so I figured I should wake you up now. You might want to shave." He poked Kendall's cheek, laughing as if this was the funniest thing ever.

"Why are you laughing so loud?" Kendall groaned, wincing at the sound.

"Jesus, Knight, you got a hangover or something?"

"Didn't sleep well," he mumbled. This was, at least, true. Kendall had gotten in from his meetup with Camille at 3 in the morning, and was unable to fall asleep until four, too consumed by the thrill of their time together. For Camille, this was no problem; her auditions were always in the afternoon, so she could sleep as late as she liked. Kendall, however, had to get up at ungodly hours such as this, and then try to measure up to the face of perfection that was currently staring him down and mocking him, all running on three hours of sleep. It was exhausting.

"Well, you can go to bed early tonight," James said, crossing his arms and walking away from the bed. Kendall scoffed, trying not to roll his eyes at this. There were nineteen hours to get through before 2 AM rolled around. No way was he going to get any more sleep that night, unless by some miracle Gustavo decided they could come later. Until his meetup with Camille, he was going to be ready and waiting.

Kendall got out of bed, stretching and turning to follow James out into the kitchen. He glanced at the clock. 18 hours, 55 minutes.

_**~*~*later...*~*~**_

Kendall looked at the colorful alarm clock on his nightstand for what felt like the hundreth time. 1:58. Finally. He pushed back his covers as quietly as he could, being extra careful as his feet softly hit the floor. Looking over, he confirmed that James was sleeping soundly, evidence that he was aware of Kendall's escapade. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged on skinny jeans, leaving his plain white t-shirt on.

The window opened with a soft click, as it always did, and Kendall climbed out of it as quietly as possible. He got down the fire escape and turned, walking towards where Camille was already waiting by the pool. She had on a pair of black shorts and a soft blue hoodie, the hood pulled up over her hair, which had been twisted into low curly pigtails.

"You look beautiful," Kendall whispered softly, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. Her big brown eyes gazed up at him and he leaned towards her, lightly kissing her forehead, then her nose, until he reached her lips. They parted eagerly, obviously waiting for him to get there.

Camille looked up at him, searching his glowing green eyes. While he looked happy to see her and hungry for her affection, he also looked sort of sad, and tired. Bags under his eyes indicated stress, and she wondered what was running through his constantly pressured mind.

"Hey," she said, gently taking his hand and swinging it back and forth, "what's bugging you? Do you wanna talk?"

Kendall bit his lip, considering for a moment before nodding and pulling her over to a nearby bench. She sat down next to him and he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek on the top of her head. Camille closed her eyes, letting herself listen to Kendall's steady breathing, holding on to one of his arms while he sat there in the silence.

Being with Kendall was an ever-changing thing. Some nights they would laugh loudly and do crazy things, while others they could spend forever just talking, or even just sitting, like they were tonight. Camille settled farther into Kendall's arms, nuzzling into the crook of his neck and letting her hand fall to rest on his thigh. He'd talk when he was ready. Until then, she would stay there, breathing in the remnants of cologne and shower gel that clung to his skin.

_***~*~Mua ha ha~*~***_

James rolled over in his bed, yawning and blinking sleep from his eyes. He shook his head, looking more carefully when he noticed that Kendall wasn't in his bed. Glancing around, James decided it was best to go investigate.

He made his way out to the living room, where he noticed an open window. Strangely enough, the screen was open too. He walked over to the window, placing his fingertips on the cool glass.

Out by the pool he saw Kendall, the moonlight shning off his dirty blonde hair as he wrapped his arms around a girl in a blue hoodie and kissed her. He would know the small form and twisted dark brown locks of the girl anywhere: Camille.

James gulped and decided it was best not to watch anymore, instead turning away from the window. He could use this to his advantage; he was James Diamond, he could use _anything _to his advantage.

Walking over to the counter, James picked up one of the tall, skinny metal bar stools. He carried it into his and Kendall's room, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. James smiled to himself. He had a _plan_. A plan would make this easier.

_**~*~*Back to the happy couple*~*~**_

"It's my dad."

Camille jumped a little bit, startled. She had been waiting for Kendall to speak for so long, she'd just about fallen asleep.

"W-what about him?" she asked carefully, not moving from her place. Kendall had a hand on her head, having taken the hood off and begun to stroke her hair. He continued to do so, as if her didn't even realize he was doing it.

Camille gulped, closing her eyes and mentally preparing herself for Kendall's answer. She'd tried asking both James and Logan about what had happened to Mr. Knight, but their answers had been the same: never bring it up again. Don't ask. Don't talk about it. Don't mention that man around Kendall.

"He used to hit me," Kendall said flatly, his tone emotionless and detatched. Camille couldn't see it, but he was staring blankly out at the surface of the pool, watching the moonlight reflect off of the water.

"He hit me constantly," Kendall continued, "every single day. I'd get home from school as a kid and do my homework as fast as possible, then run upstairs and hide in my room." The memories came rushing back to him, pictures of a younger Kendall and his father haunting him as they always would, and a little more emotion came to his voice.

"I was so _stupid_," Kendall went on, "always hiding in the same place. Did I not realize that he'd look there first?"

Camille gripped his hand tightly, folding her fingers through his. Kendall closed his eyes for a minute, letting the memories keep coming. He hadn't thought about his dad like this in a long time.

"He'd throw me against the door," Kendall told her, now changing his gaze to fixate on their intertwined fingers, "and scream at me, swearing at me constantly, using words I didn't even understand as a kid. That's all I was, I was just a kid.

"But it kept going until I was almost fifteen," he said with a sigh, "until the bastard was finally sent away to jail. It's crazy to think about, that it was a little less than two years ago. Feels like forever."

"Well, a lot has changed," Camille whispered to him, "or at least it seems that way."

"It has," Kendall confirmed with a nod. He paused, letting the calm silence settle, before adding, "You're the first person I've told."

Camille sucked in a breath, not expecting that. Still, she couldn't help but be glad he trusted her like that. Like he trusted no one else.

"I'm glad you can talk to me," she said simply.

"I'm glad I have you to talk to." He stopped petting her head and tipped her chin up, kissing her with all the warmth and tenderness in the world.

_***~*~Moving on~*~***_

Kendall closed the window behind him slowly and quietly, wiping his eye with the back of his hand. He ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath, still surprised he'd unloaded on Camille like that. It felt good, but not in a way he was used to, as was made obvious by the tears that now welled in his eyes. He'd been able to keep them back when he was with her, but now one betraying droplet rolled down his cheek.

He made his way over to his and James's room, grasping the cold knob and turning it gently. What he found behind the door surprised him and he had to choke back a startled scream, or he'd wake up the whole apartment.

James spun around on the bar stool, the dim light glinting off of his bright white teeth as he smiled his devilish grin. Kendall was surprised to find him there, but tried to act natural, only a small stutter coming through when he spoke.

"W-what are you doing up?" he asked, already beggining to sound defensive.

"What were you doing out?" James shot back, "With _Camille_?" The way her name rolled off his toungue, James raising his eyebrows suggestively, Kendall could tell that there was no reason to deny anything. James _knew_.

"Kissing Camille," James continued, sticking his toungue out and twirling it around, "playing with her hair, touching her-"

"Okay!" Kendall put his hands up, "I confess. Just please, don't tell Logan." His eyes got tired again, and he thought back to his previous conversation, bringing up haunting memories of his childhood. Kendall bit his lip. It had been a long night.

James's eyes flitted up to meet Kendall's, the attacking, mischevious look quickly softening when he saw the red, puffy rims that lined Kendall's eyes. He could tell that Kendall was holding back tears, and the bags under his eyes said the same.

"Hey," James got up off his stool, so he was restored to his inch taller than Kendall. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded tensely, "I'm fine."

James wrapped his muscular arms around Kendall, pulling him into a hug. Kendall returned it weakly, his nose in the crook of James's neck and a tear rolling down onto his shirt. He breathed in the scent of James's cologne, always too strong, and a cool mixture of aftershave and shampoo. James rocked him from side to side in the hug once, before pulling away from Kendall and firmly placing a hand on his shoulder.

He knew that whatever was bothering Kendall, he'd talk about when he was good and ready. Until then, it would make him feel better to be treated normally. That was just how Kendall was.

"I'll wait to blackmail you until the morning," James said, a smile playing across his lips. His hazel eyes shone, already knowing that he'd helped to cheer Kendall up a little.

"Thanks, buddy," Kendall replied with a sly smile, "I'll get you back one day."

"It's on. Get some rest, Knight," James told him, before shoving Kendall towards his bed.

"You too," Kendall said, already climbing under the covers with his jeans still on.

_**~*~*So yeah*~*~**_

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Please review! And I might jump around a tad with pairings (though it will stay mainly Kenmille and end Kenmille, don't worry) but if I decide to, would you rather see Kames, or Jamille?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi! First of all, it's been a little over a week since I've updated, and I'm sorry about that. I went back to school last week, and everything is a little crazy so... yeah. Chances are, I'm only gonna be updating on the weekends from now on:( Or Mondays like now, but whatever. Anyways, enough about my life, here's the next chapter!**

**Oh, and PS, there's a little flashback in here. Don't be alarmed.**

_***~*~Yep...~*~***_

"Hey, can I talk to you guys?"

Kendall sat up from being slumped on the couch at the sound of his friend's voice. All day, they'd been at the pool, and of course, Logan was with Camille. After spending the day pretending not to have anything more than a friendship and some slaps in the face with Camille, he was, frankly, exhausted, and had been glad to get some time to just lounge on the couch with James. They'd spent the past hour or so half-watching something bloody with two brothers, an old drunk, and a fallen angel.

"Sure Logan," James replied, elbowing Kendall lightly to get him so sit up. "What do you wanna talk about?"

Logan bit his lip, looking away for a second. His eyes flitted up to the T.V. screen, before falling back to the floor.

"Here, let me turn this off," Kendall said, grabbing the remote and making the screen go black.

"Thanks," Logan replied, "I didn't need random gay porn on in the background."

"Dude!" James laughed, "They're brothers!"

"Well that one was shirtless and the other one was totally horny," Kendall told him, a smile growing on his face, "seemed like it was about to turn into a threesome with that emotionless guy, too."

This caused all three to burst out laughing, cackling and cracking joke after joke. After a little while, they wiped tears of laughter from their eyes, remembering that Logan did have some something to say.

"So Logan," James began, "what do you wanna talk about?"

Logan's face instantly changed, his eyes sparkling with nervous excitement, and blush rising to his cheeks. He laughed awkwardly, running a hand over his smooth, pale skin.

"Camille and I," he said, still through the nervous laughter, "we... um-"

Kendall's thick eyebrows shot up at the mention of Camille, wondering what Logan had to say about her.

James shifted, pushing one leg closer to Kendall, like it was there for support. He knew whatever Logan was about to say, it wasn't going to be the kind of thing to go over well with Kendall. He even had a guess towards what Logan was going to say.

"Yes?" James prompted, gesturing for Logan to continue.

"We were talking about maybe, you know," he gulped, "going all the way."

James nodded steadily, feeling Kendall tense a little next to him.

"Really?" Kendall said, trying not to sound angry, "When?"

"I don't know," Logan shrugged, "soonish, I guess."

Kendall nodded slowly, and James smiled at Logan, showing off his shiny white teeth.

"Well good luck out there, buddy," James grinned, chuckling, "Or should I say in there?"

Logan laughed, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to conceal his nerves.

"Well, I'm gonna go for a walk," Logan announced, standing up, "I just wanted to tell you guys."

"Alright," Kendall said, "You can always come talk to us."

"If you have any, you know, questions," James added, winking at the smaller boy.

"Okay," Logan said, smiling weakly at them as he walked away, gliding the door gently shut behind him.

James turned to Kendall as soon as he was gone, putting an arm around him.

"You okay buddy?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kendall grumbled, "let's just watch some more of your stupid gay guy show."

Maybe their monsters would help him forget about his own.

_**~*~*If you caught my reference(s) I love you*~*~**_

Camile wrapped her sweater more tightly around herself, shuddering from the cool breeze. It blew soft, dark brown curls into her face, and she reached up, running a hand through them to get then out of the way. Her hair was already tousled and messed up from the wind anyways.

She reached into her back pocket, pressing the center button on her phone. The screen lit up and told her it was 2:11 AM. That was weird; Kendall was never late. He should've been there already.

Her heart leaped when she saw a tall figure climbing down the little fire escape, a little slower than Kendall usually did. She noticed differences in the person climbing down the ladder: bigger muscle build, and generally... darker. He didn't have the same pale skin as Kendall, or as lightly-colored hair. It was definitely not Kendall.

She watched as the guy walked towards her, getting more and more nervous. She should probably go back inside; getting caught was _not_ on the top of her priority list. Still, she stayed where she was, knowing it was too late anyways. Besides, she was pretty sure she knew who it was.

"He's not coming," James announced quietly, coming closer to Camille.

"He- what? How do you know?" she asked, confusion written all over her face.

"I caught him the other day, Camille. I know."

Camille gulped, running a hand over her face and neck.

"You didn't tell Logan, though," she said slowly, not really clarifying whether it was a statement or a question.

"Mercedes Griffin said it best," James grinned, his white teeth shining in the moonlight, "I love manipulating people."

"But wait," Camille said, trying not to laugh, "why isn't Kendall coming?"

James's face dropped instantly, the time for clever jokes clearly over.

"Logan told us," he said slowly, "did you seem to think he wouldn't?"

Camille's eyes widened, and she bit her lip. How could she have been so stupid? She should've told Kendall, or she should've told Logan that she wasn't ready to sleep with him yet.

"Oh my God," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"Tell that to him," James grumbled, grabbing Camille's arm and dragging her away.

"Where are we going?" she asked, jogging to keep up with him.

James just reached into his pocket, grabbing the keys to the band's car and unlocking it. He motioned towards the passenger side, where Camille slipped in and buckled her seatbelt without question.

"We've gotta go find Kendall," James said, flicking on the headlights and putting the car into reverse. He smoothed a hand over the old leather-covered steering wheel, turning the car gently and driving out of the parking lot with his low beams on, making sure he didn't shine them right at the building.

"Wait, he's-"

"Gone," James nodded, keeping his eyes on the road, and not even glancing at Camille, "I woke up and he'd snuck out. I went to see if he was just with you, but I kind of doubted it. He looked pretty bad earlier today, so we better get him now."

Camille decided not to ask about the last part, instead raising an eyebrow when she noticed the ease with which James was driving, taking the turns smoothly with one hand on the wheel. In all this confusion and chaos, he seemed so relaxed, as if stuff like this happened every day.

"I thought Logan was the only one who could drive?" Camille said, still wondering why James was so comfortable behind the wheel.

"Logan's the only one with a _learner's permit_," James clarified, "but I've been driving for a long time, just a little more... under the radar."

"Driving a bunch of slutty girls to college parties?" she guessed, laughing a little.

"Yeah," James replied distantly, "something like that." James put his head back a little, sighing and thinking of his previous driving experiences.

He remembered how his mother's voice would echo through the enormous house, calling his name the moment their awful, tacky, tall french doors clicked shut behind him. She always noticed when he got home, no matter how quietly he tried to close them. He'd then creep upstairs, slowly opening the door to his mom's room. It would take his eyes a second to adjust, but if he squinted through the darkness, he could make out her thin figure.

She'd sit on her bed, from where she would ask James to do the consultaitions and deliveries for Brooke Diamond cosmetics, please, because Mommy was too stressed to deal with people today. He'd nod tightly and go do as he was told, the image of his mom's silhouette drinking away her divorce haunting him when clients asked why they never saw her anymore. James smiled and made up excuses, knowing full well that she was still home, alone, in the dark, glass in hand and cigarette dangling from her fingertips.

Ever since his dad ran off with a girl young enough to be his sister, he'd learned that Diamonds only needed two things to make it through a tough time: good lawyers and good vodka. "The burning means it's working," went for more than just wrinkle cream.

James gripped the steering wheel more tightly, trying to push back the memories. Things had changed since then; they were better. At least, things had changed for him. He was just worried that some things might be coming back to Kendall.

"How are you gonna find him?" Camille asked finally, breaking the silence.

"Believe me," James said, leaning closer to his open window as they drove by a convenience store, "I've done this before. I know."

There was something distinct about a person who had hit rock bottom. They had a certain look to them, a certain attitude, a certain way of carrying themselves. For every person it was different, and would come out in unique ways. Those who knew them best would be able to tell when they got there. They'd recognize a change in the way they dressed, the sound of their voice, or how much they slept. For some, it was even a smell.

James knew the smell he was looking for the way people know not to touch something hot or not to eat something that smelled bad: purely on instinct, coming to him as naturally as breathing. What he really knew was that Kendall had been there before; rock bottom had been reached and climbed back away from. And having been there before, he knew what came along with rock bottom.

They continued their drive in silence, James with his window down and Camille sitting next to him, still trying to figure out what James wasn't telling her. James's arm hung out of the window and he breathed in the cool air that passed through it, trying to clear his head and focus on what he was looking for.

Camille was shocked when James suddenly pulled the car over in front of a dumpy, sketchy-looking convenience store. There were letters missing from the name, flickering lights and a big, scary guy inside. Most of the stickers and signs were scratched or peeled off of the door, and there was evidence that the glass of the murky windows had been chipped and attempted to be broken multiple times. She didn't even know where they were, and was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of cigarette smoke when James opened his door.

She gulped and unbuckled her seatbelt, hopping out of the car and running around it, to James. He quickly locked the doors, and turned wordlessly towards where the heavy smoke was coming from. Camille instantly latched onto one of his thick arms, glancing down the street, where there was only one meager streetlight casting its dull yellow light. How reassuring.

"Where are we?" she whispered, trying to be quiet.

James said nothing, just calmly walked towards a dark alley, the pavement sticky with gross city water under his feet, clinging to his sneakers and making a squishing sound. Camille clung to his arm, digging her nails in as they walked down the alleyway, the smell of the smoke growing stronger. James said nothing, but she was comforted by his steady breathing anyways.

The tall, sort-of dark, and much more mysterious than expected boy quickened his pace when he saw a thin figure slumped against the side of a building. Camille took in a sharp breath when they got to the person, a hand rising to her mouth in shock at the scene she saw before her.

Kendall was passed out, slouched onto the wall, a burning cigarette still between his fingers. There was an empty bottle of Jack and a wine bottle, with discarded cigarette butts and empty packs scattering the area around him. Even sleeping, his eyes were sunken and his hair was messed up, there was dirt and scratches on his face and his jeans were damp from the water.

"To answer your question," James said slowly, no emotion coming through his voice, "somewhere that doesn't check IDs."

"Kendall!" Camille gasped, her drama-queen voice coming through for real. She knelt to the ground, not caring about the disgusting ground or the awkward position as she dragged Kendall into her lap.

"Kendall," she said more softly, running a hand over his face, "I'm so, so sorry." Tears began to pour from her eyes, her speech becoming less clear and her make up running, "I-I should've, I never-"

"Save your breath, darlin'," James said quietly, resting a hand on her shoulder, "tell him when he can hear you."

Camille nodded, tears still running down her face as she ran a hand through Kendall's dirty blonde, messed-up hair.

James reached down and picked Kendall up, his skinny body folding between his arms. Kendall's neck and shoulders hung over James's right arm, his knees bent over the other. One of Kendall's arms hung limply away from James, the other tucked in between James's body and his own.

Camille watched, amazed again as James casually carried his friend to the car, handing Camille the keys so she could unlock the back door. She slid in first, then grabbed Kendall's shoulders, helping James pull him into the car. He was lying down, his head in Camille's lap and his feet hanging off of the edge of the seat. James, standing outside the car, shifted his lower legs onto the floor and then closed the door, as if he was just loading cargo into the backseat. Just like the cosmetics.

James got into the driver's seat, locking the car, and finally turning around to look at Camille and Kendall's sleeping body.

"Damn," he breathed, "it's just as bad as when his dad hit him."

"I-I thought I was the only one Kendall told," Camille said, suddenly wondering how James knew about that.

"Yeah," James said, "you are the only one he's told, but not the only one who knew. See, my other driving experiences were just like what you saw back there: going on Rescue Kendall missions. He was always in an alley, drinking and chain smoking. Kendall was really hooked on smoking."

Camille's eyes widened, surprised, though she might not be if the Kendall she knew was the wasted, tobacco-saturated Kendall she saw right now. She smoothed a hand over his hair, wishing she could just undo all of it. She never would've guessed that getting close to this group of nice, fun-loving guys would get so... dark.

"I should've done something the first time I saw the bruises," James muttered, shaking his head to himself, "then it never would've gotten like this." He turned, pulling the car out of its spot and out into the road.

Camille shot him a sympathetic look, making eye contact via the rearview mirror. Neither of them said anything, instead choosing to just drive back to the Palm Woods in silence.

_***~*~Home again, home again~*~***_

"I got it," James whispered, holding Kendall in his arms. They were walking through the dark Palm Woods lobby, sneaking over to the stairs, since the elevator stopped running at midnight.

"Just let me come up-"

"No," James replied strictly, his tone getting more harsh, "You've done enough already."

Camille bit her lip, blinking back tears. She knew he was right.

"Okay," she finally said when they got to the stairs, her turning down towards her hallway.

"You can talk to him when he's better," James assured, going back to a more kind voice, "and awake."

She smiled weakly, glancing up at him and thanking his for what must've been the hundreth time since they'd gotten back.

"Don't thank me," James replied, "I didn't do it for you."

Camille nodded, turning to look one last time as she watched James climb up the stairs, into the darkness, his broad back muscles flexed and shown off by his black wifebeater. She shook her head, turning back to her hall. James was the last thing she needed in the picture right now.

_**~*~*Real quick...*~*~**_

James gently put Kendall onto his bed, breathing a sigh of relief that they'd gotten back without getting caught. He glanced at the clock, groaning when he saw that it 4:30, and they'd have to get up in a few hours.

He took one of Kendall's green Vans, pulling it off and dropping it onto the floor. After taking his shoes off, he groaned, noticing Kendall's wet black skinny jeans. James started by pulling off Kendall's plaid shirt; luckily the undershirt was still dry and clean enough. He then unbuttoned Kendall's jeans, flinching as his fingers pulled the zipper down. He tried to slide his jeans down carefully but quickly, hoping not to accidentally bring his boxers with them. James reminded himself that he'd seen Kendall naked a million times; the hockey locker room wasn't exactly private. Still, peeling the jeans off of Kendall's passed out body wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world. Damn, why did Kendall have to wear such tight jeans? Those things must've been painted on.

When the jeans finally lay in a small heap on the floor, James grabbed Kendall's covers, pulling them up over his skinny body, sprawled out aimlessly on the bed. He ruffled Kendall's hair, sighing at the situation.

"Goodnight, little buddy," James whispered as he got into his own bed, finally assured that Kendall was home safe.

Still, James didn't sleep well that night, (or rather morning), and found himself waking up constantly to check on the dirty-blonde haired boy, just to make sure he was there.

Sure enough, he was. He always was. Maybe sometimes he was physically gone, but Kendall was always back, always there. James just had to keep it that way.

_***~*~So yeah~*~***_

**A/N: Can you tell I'm a pairing whore? Seriously, I ship like, anything. Anyways, you can still tell me if you'd rather see more Jamille-y or Kames-y stuff in this story so... yeah. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi! So... Here's the next chapter! Thanks for all the reviews and stuffs so yeah. That's about it.**

_***~*~Ughh I hate being so busy~*~***_

Kendall tried to blink his eyes, feeling how hard it was to open them. His eyelashes felt glued together, his eyelids heavy, and he wasn't really sure what was going on or where he was. There was a distant beeping sound bothering him, growing louder and annoying him as he slowly gained conciousness.

He rolled over, randomly hitting the nightstand next to him because he was too tired to open his eyes. He knew he hadn't hit the snooze button, but the beeping stopped. A hand took his and placed it gently back onto the bed, and he then felt it poke his face, a familiar voice cooing him awake.

"Come on, buddy, I know it was a long night. It was for me too. But you gotta get up, Gustavo wants us at the studio by 7:30, and it's seven now," the voice said gently.

Whoever it was sounded familiar, a voice he knew very well. It was definitely a guy, that much he was sure of, but he couldn't quite place it. All of these things he was saying, _buddy_, _Gustavo_, _studio _all sounded familiar too, but he just didn't know. Nothing made sense, and even with his eyes closed, the room was all too bright and his head was spinning.

Really, only one thought was occupying his mind, everything else falling to the wayside.

He wanted a cigarette. No, he _needed _a cigarette.

"Kendaaaall," the voice called again, shaking him lightly, "wake uuuup."

Kendall groaned, running a hand over his face and rubbing his eyes, finally daring to open them.

A boy stood over him, with shiny brown hair and a white smile. His hazel eyes were framed with long, curvy eyelashes and he smelled of shower gel and coffee. Kendall knew the face; he knew the big hand resting on his shoulder and its owner. He recognized the tan skin and the tight black t-shirt stretched over his chest to show off constantly growing muscles. The one thing he did notice were the huge bags under his eyes. It was obvious that this guy always looked perfect, trying much too hard to get a gasp or a wink from everyone in the room. He knew that the deep lines showing how tired he was weren't normal. Funny.

"Need a smoke," he mumbled, reaching out to the nightstand. There should've been a pack there somewhere, but he couldn't find one. He looked up at the other guy, asking with his eyes why his cigarettes were M.I.A.

"Oh no you don't," the guy said, putting a hand on Kendall's chest as he started to sit up. Kendall looked at him in confusion, wondering why this man wouldn't let him have his goddamn cigarette.

"Why _not_?" he asked, putting a hand to his head, which was killing him and incredibly dizzy from sitting up so quickly.

"Kendall," the guy said firmly, frowning at him.

"James!" Kendall gasped, finally remembering who the guy was. Suddenly, it all came back to him. Well, not all of it, his memories ended after sitting down in a random alleyway with a lot of booze and about five packs of cigarettes.

"Yeah," James smiled a little, glad Kendall was figuring it out a little more.

"But," Kendall put a hand up, deep in thought, "I was in the alley... How did I... Did you come-"

"Yes," James said gently, "Me and- I came to get you. Just like old times," he joked, letting out a small, fake laugh.

"Just like with my dad," Kendall said solemnly, hanging his head.

"Yeah," James gulped, "But now it's-"

"Camille," Kendall said slowly, running a hand over his face.

"I was gonna say different," James whispered in reply, "But yes, that's true." He patted Kendall's shoulder, standing up straight and turning towards the door.

"You're clearly not gonna be able to function," James said with a half-smile, "So I'll go tell the others that you're sick, and I'm gonna stay in with you for the day. Then you can puke your brains out, but you may not smoke. Remeber, you quit. You don't need that shit."

"Right," Kendall nodded, staring at the wall. He was only half hearing James's words, other thoughts filling his mind. Smoking. His dad. Camille.

James glanced back at Kendall sitting on his bed, his face blank. Sighing, he opened the door and made his way out to the apartment.

"Hey guys," James announced, walking up to the kitchen, "Kendall's sick, so I'm gonna stay with him to-"

A fist quickly collided with James's jaw, taking him by surprise and sending him backwards a few steps.

"What the fuck?" he hissed, rubbing his face and looking at a very angry Logan.

"Fuck you, James!" Logan screamed at him, "I saw you last night! I got up to get water, and when I looked out the window, I saw you sneaking out with Camille!"

James gulped, his eyes widening. There he was, standing in the kitchen, tired after a night of saving ass. His plans were to try to comfort Kendall, get everything sorted out, and get a good night's sleep. Instead, he got Logan's knuckles. And some of his own lip blood.

Needless to say, this was _exactly _what he needed.

He didn't have to take it. He hadn't done anything wrong. He could tell Logan the whole story, right then and there. Logan could probably even help, once he was done being pissed at Kendall, that is.

"I'm sorry," James muttered, hanging his head, "I just- I should've resisted, b-b-b-but she smelled so good, and her hair, and her boobs," James licked his lips, playing up his little lie to a maximum, "Damned testosterone."

"James, do you have any idea what she means to me!" Logan yelled at him, tears rising in his eyes, "I was going ot lose my _virginity _to her, James, and you had to steal her away!" He paused, wiping his eyes and taking a deep, shuddering breath, "I know it's nothing to you," Logan said slowly, "but this was a big deal to me! You can sleep around with any girl, James. You just had. To choose. Her."

"Logan, I'm so, so sorry. I get that you're pissed at me, you have-"

"Just shut up," Logan growled, putting a hand up, "go take care of your little 'buddy' and stay home today. Carlos and I are going to work. We won't be back until ten."

James nodded tightly, biting his lips. He curled his hands up, digging his nails into the skin of his palms.

"And James, one more thing," Logan said, turning on his way to the door.

"Yeah?"

"Did you," Logan gulped, "Did you sleep with Camille?"

"No, Logan," James replied quietly, "I didn't sleep with Camille."

At least that much was true.

_**~*~*Dun dun dun*~*~**_

James pulled out his phone, quickly scrolling through the contact list until he found Camille. He typed out a short and vague message, then decided to add to it.

_James: whatever logan says, just go w/ it (7:11 am)_

_James: xcept no matter what we didnt sleep together (7:11 am)_

_Camille: huh? (7:11 am)_

_Camille: WHAT? (7:12 am)_

James shrugged, tossing his phone onto the big, orange couch. He didn't really need it anymore.

"Hey," James said gently, pushing the door to his and Kendall's room open, "How're you feelin'?"

Kendall didn't look up from his place on his bed, pressing a hand to his forehead. The deep bags that underlined his eyes were brought out by the angle of the light, his bright yellow-green eyes tired and dead-looking. Hair on one side of Kendall's head stood up, while the other lay flat, a few frizzy pieces seeming out of place as they stuck up.

"You lied for me," Kendall said quietly, his tone flat and emotionless.

"Yeah," James replied. He shifted on his feet awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

"You got punched in the face for me," Kendall continued, still sounding equally brain-dead and confused.

James just nodded this time, trying not to think of the pain that shot through his jaw. He thought of Logan's fist swinging at him, hitting him square in the face for something he hadn't done.

Neither of them said anything, letting the silence fill the room. Sunlight was flooding through the windows, everyone outside bright and cheery and ready to start their day. Maybe some were dragging their feet and nursing their coffee, others still hitting the alarm, or even staying in for the day, just like James and Kendall.

It was a bit unlikely that they were _just _like James and Kendall.

"Why?" Kendall finally asked, breaking the silence with his question. He looked up at James, pained emotion coming to his face, questioning and disbelief in his eyes, which shone with their golden tones and dark flecks illuminated by the light.

James gulped, running a hand through his hair. "It was the right thing to do," he said carefully, "you don't need any more bullshit."

"Neither do you," Kendall replied gently.

"Well," James smiled, holding his hand out to Kendall, "let's get out to the livingroom. You're gonna be puking soon."

Kendall grimaced and let James pull him up, following the tall boy out of their bedroom.

_***~*~Ta da!~*~***_

**A/N: Well, I want to make this Kames SO BAD just, skgjfdfdghfsd. I ship them so damn hard. Anyways, please review and tell me what you'd like to see! See you in a week:)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hi! I'm really glad you guys are liking this story:) So, many of you have reviewed as guests (thanks!) so I couldn't reply to your reviews. Anyways, I just wanted to get this cleared up: this is a Kenmille fic, no matter what. I know I say I'm tempted to do Kames, but I have full intentions of having a pretty Kenmille ending.**

**That being said, I am going to do some Kames, though it's not gonna last. I've also gotten requests/suggestions for Jagan, which I'm plotting on working into the story. And there might even be a tiny bit of Jamille. BUT I am gonna keep these extra pairings minimal, because I don't wanna overwhelm anybody. Trust me, I won't whip you all away into a completely different storyline. James is just gonna do what he does best, and whore around a little.**

**Also, I know I said I'd update on the weekends, and clearly, it's wednesday. Sorry! I had a really busy weekend, and I found some free time today. Sorry about this:)**

_***~*~La la la (whatever)...~*~***_

Logan's knuckles rapped against the door quickly, his face flat. Anger surged through him; he couldn't _believe _what he'd fallen for again. He crossed his arms impatiently, one foot tapping on the floor.

He'd told Carlos that he'd be late to rehearsal. Logan Mitchell had some very important things to do.

"Hey Logan," Camille greeted, yawning. She was dressed in a black tank top and blue pajama shorts, her mess of curls wrapped into a sloppy bun on top of her head. She had no makeup on and her big brown eyes drooped from exhaustion.

"How could you do that?" Logan cried out, "I thought you made that mistake already!"

"Wha-"

"Oh do _not _pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, Camille," Logan yelled at her, "I saw you sneaking out with James last night, and he already confessed! I can't believe you!"

"I'm sorry," Camille gulped, "I-I never should've-" she put a hand to her face, trying to act like she was really sad and surprised. Her acting skills were coming in useful; truthfully, this was almost coming as a relief. This way, Logan was one less thing to deal with. While he had always been there for her, she was really coming to realize that he'd never made her feel the way Kendall did.

"I don't wanna hear it," he muttered, pain coming through his sad brown eyes. In seconds, he'd gone from looking like a wolf to a puppy, his anger replaced by rejection.

"I get it," she nodded, looking at the floor, "I know there's no way we can get back together again," she paused, "but just so you know," she added quietly, "I didn't sleep with him. You were still going to be my first."

"Good to know," Logan mumbled, nodding. He then turned, giving Camille one last glance, and walked away.

_**~*~*La la la (doesn't matter)...*~*~**_

"Feeling better?" James asked casually, flipping a page in his magazine. He was sitting on the orange couch, his feet propped on the table and the TV running in the background.

Kendall blinked at him, glaring at James, who still hadn't looked up from his magazine.

"I'm cold," Kendall announced, wrapping his arms around his pale, skinny body.

James finally looked up, running his eyes over Kendall and his tired-looking face.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" he asked in a parental tone, flicking his gaze back to his _Rolling Stone_. This was clearly an important issue; there were spreads of Rhianna's ass just about everywhere.

"Puked on it," Kendall said with a shrug, "all my others are gross and dirty."

James put the magazine down, giving Kendall a flat, scolding look.

"Just go get one of mine," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"There's a possibility I'll puke on that too," Kendall said with a shrug, "but if it's really o-"

"Here," James rolled his eyes again, pulling his tattered gray sweatshirt over his head. The Minnesota Wild logo was printed on the front, the pattern peeling off and cracked. Around the edges of the hood, the fabric was frayed, leaving a layer of fuzz. Motor oil from his mom's van darkened one sleeve; blood stained the shoulder of the other. Kendall had probably even puked on it before.

He tossed the sweatshirt to Kendall, who caught it easily, tugging the old thing on. Still cold, Kendall wrapped his arms around himself and sat down on the couch next to a now shirtless James. His head hovered over James's bare, muscular shoulder as he peeked at what James was reading.

"Do you mind?" James asked, momentarily setting the magazine down on his lap.

"Aww, Jamie," Kendall pouted, jutting out his lower lip, "I just wanna look at the pretty girl."

"Then go brush your teeth," James insisted, pushing Kendall away by the shoulder, "Your breath smells like shit."

Kendall shrugged, going to do what he was told, and returning quickly.

"Alright, let's see 'em," Kendall said cheerily as he sat down next to James once again.

"Kendall," James said, laughing, "this is_ Rolling Stone_, not Playboy."

"I meant the pictures," Kendall said innocently, nudging James with his elbow, "God, get your mind out of the gutter, you know I would never think like that."

"Oh, _sure_," James laughed, turning his head to face Kendall.

His bright hazel eyes sparkled, wrinkling ever so slightly at the corners from smiling, his long, dark eyelashes curving up to frame them. James's shiny white grin grew bigger as he laughed, staring at Kendall in adoration.

They stayed like that, laughing and forgetting everything else, for a moment, until the chuckles slowly died down. As he stopped laughing, Kendall found himself getting lost once again in James's eyes, studying them and going from laughing to catching his breath. James couldn't pull his gaze away; Kendall was magnetic, electric, and kept him right where he was.

After what seemed like ages, Kendall leaned forward, harshly pressing his lips to James's. Their noses rubbed against eachother, their teeth clicked, and their lips moved eagerly. James opened his mouth instantly, pushing his toungue into Kendall's mouth as Kendall's hand reached around his shoulder, trying to get a grip on the smooth skin that was exposed there.

James started to lean back, feeling Kendall climb farther on top of him and lean forward more and more. Soon, Kendall had a knee on either side of James's body, and James was lying back on the couch. Holding himself up by his toned arms, Kendall leaned in, keeping his mouth working against James's. James could still taste the coolness of the mouthwash on Kendall's lips, and his toungue licked along the bottom one lightly.

Letting his hands travel up Kendall's thighs, James reached up under his sweashirt, now on Kendall, and pressed his thumbs to the blonde's thin, fair hips. His hands massaged them gently, moving with Kendall's hips, which rolled and swayed to the timing of their kisses.

Kendall began to kiss James's jaw, getting James's head to roll back and his chin to tip up. James let out a small moan as Kendall slowly made his way down James's neck, stopping to fixate on one spot every so often, biting and sucking and leaving dark red or purple marks where his lips had been. Kendall took his time, slowly kissing down the tan surface of James's chest, taking time to lick his well-defined abs, fingers accompanying lips as he traced one hand down James's body.

Finally, after James had moaned and groaned while Kendall explored every inch of his upper body, Kendall's mouth got down to the top of James's jeans. He kissed right along the top, one hand dropping to palm James's erection. James had one hand laced into Kendall's hair, gripping and tightening around the soft sandy blonde strands. Just as Kendall's thin fingers began to undo the top button of James's jeans, his taller counterpart pushed him back.

"No," James shook his head suddenly, biting his lip, "we can't."

"And why the fuck not?" Kendall asked, leaning back down and pressing his lips to James's ear, "I say we can."

"Because," James said slowly, his breath hitching in his throat as Kendall's thumb massaged his hip, "it's not me that you want."

"Are you kidding?" Kendall breathed. His lips made their way from James's ear to his jawline, kissing and licking and leaving a sticky wet trail. "It's you that I _need_."

"No," James insisted in a steady tone, clenching his fists and wincing, trying to resist Kendall, "not really. You love someone else. Camille."

At the mention of Camille's name, Kendall pulled back abruptly, his green eyes widening. He kept one hand resting on James's bare chest, staring at the other boy's hazel eyes.

"Nope," Kendall said after a moment's hesitation, "Let's just do this." He leaned back down, closing his eyes to kiss James again, but James moved, pulling away from his lips.

"Listen, Kendall," he said gently, putting a hand on the blonde's arm, "I know how much you care about Camille. I know what you told her. You don't tell just anyone about that. Not even me."

Kendall's eyes dropped, studying the fabric of the couch. He sighed, letting the sound of his deep breath fill the room, his long eyelashes squeezing shut as he thought.

"But I care about you too," Kendall said gently, running the back of his hand over James's face.

James took Kendall's hand, moving down so it rested on Kendall's knee. His eyes softened, showing sympathy and concern for Kendall, who was, frankly, a little messed up.

"I know, buddy," he whispered gently, "but not like you love Camille. It's not the same, and this isn't right. I mean, I would _totally _have casual sex with you," James chuckled a little, getting a small smile from Kendall, "but not like this. Not when you're in love with someone else. There's other ways to find stress relief."

"Okay," Kendall nodded slowly, smiling at James. He stood up, reaching a hand out to the tan boy and pulling him up into a tight hug. Kendall then turned on his heel, walking back to the small alcove outside of their rooms. He got his hockey bag and a stick, pulling the hefty duffle bag up onto his shoulder.

"I'm gonna go to the rink," he declared, "see you later!"

"Bye!" James called, "And hey! No smoking either!"

_***~*~La la la (oh well)...~*~***_

Camille raised an eyebrow as she saw James's tall figure rushing through the lobby. He bolted out into the bright sunlight that washed over the pool, glancing around quickly before heading over to her. Taking a sip of her strawberry smoothie, she put a hand over her eyes and looked up at James, who now stood in front of her.

"How'd it go?" he asked quickly.

"Well," she set the cool drink down, crossing her legs, "Logan dumped me. But honestly, I'm kind of-"

"Great," James cut her off, speaking in a rushed tone, "Look, Kendall's down at the ice rink. I can't be there with him, because of um," he paused, then continued, "Well, the point is, I can't be there. So I would _really _appreciate it if you-"

"Went and kept an eye on him?" she finished for him, already standing up.

"Yeah," James said slowly, "That'd be good. And you know, maybe you'll work stuff out between the two of you."

Camille nodded, straightening out her red-orange top. She brushed a stray hair out of her face, then glanced at James's neck, smirking.

"So," she said cooly, one corner of her mouth twisting up a little, "Do the hickeys have anything to do with why _you _can't go talk to Kendall?"

James's eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting up. Freezing, he realized that she wasn't suggesting what he'd thought; she probably expected that he was just hooking up with some random girl.

"Actually," James said, his voice squeaking nervously. He cleared his throat, casually hooking his thumbs into his belt loops before continuing, "Yeah," he said, "You know, gotta initiate that new girl to the Palm Woods."

"Wow," Camille said, putting her hands up, "The one with the red hair? Didn't she _just _move here, like, today?"

"Uh-huh," James nodded, turning Camille by the shoulders and pushing her off towards the lobby, "I work quick!" he called.

He ran a hand through his hair as he watched Camille walk away. All he needed to do was find the new red-haired girl and sleep with her, and he at least would have made one of his cover-ups true. Shrugging, he strode off to go find her. He'd done much more diffucult things in the past 24 hours.

He was James Diamond; he could seduce a girl in his _sleep_.

_**~*~*We're going at it tonight!*~*~**_

**A/N: So, yeah. That's that. I'll get the next chapter up this weekend! Sorry again for the delay. And no, this new girl is NOT going to become a character of any importance. Just assume that James slept with her and she dissapeared. It's not an OC story.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey! Okay, so it's clearly not the weekend (again!) and I'm so sorry. I've been so busy, oh my God, but I'm here now! Sorry!**

_***~*~Anywho~*~***_

Camille pushed open the heavy metal door to the ice rink, the cold air rushing over her skin and giving her goosebumps. The sound of skates scraping against the ice echoed through the large arena, and she stepped quietly into the dome. There were a few rows of seats, shabby wooden boards around the edges of the rink, and a set of stairs that led right down to the ice. She slowly walked down the steps, carefully placing each high-heeled foot onto the sticky cement.

Kendall's figure, clad in yellow and maroon, zipped around the ice. Camille had always thought of skating as something that stick thin girls in sparkly leotards did, leaping in the air and spinning like ice ballerinas. Watching now, she saw the precision and grace that he used, weaving his stick back and forth and taking sharp turns. It wasn't elegant and beautiful like the ice skaters were, but it sure as hell was equally impressive. She knew that when there were other guys on the ice, there were constant fights and checks, but all alone like this, Kendall looked really good. Even from her position up amongst the stands, Camille could tell that was where he was truly happy.

In that moment, she stopped. She considered turning back, leaving Kendall alone and in peace. She'd been sent here to make sure Kendall wasn't getting into any trouble, and clearly, he was fine. Wasn't she the one who had hurt him anyways? She'd rejected him, refused to choose him over Logan, and hidden him, like she was ashamed of him. She'd even lied to him, or at least not told him the truth, and made him go back to his old ways when times were at their worst. Obviously, Kendall was better off without her.

"Camille?"

Camille jumped, startled, and looked down towards where the voice was coming from. Kendall was standing at the base of the stairs, holding the face mask of his hockey helmet up.

"Um... hi," Camille said awkwardly, shifting her weight. She wondered how long he'd seen her standing there.

"H-h-hey," Kendall stuttered, "What are you doing here? I mean, not that it's bad that your here, it's not like I don't want you to be here, but I wasn't waiting for you to be here or anything I just-"

"James sent me," she said quietly.

"He sent you?" Kendall replied, raising an eyebrow, "Why?"

"He wanted me to make sure you wouldn't smoke," Camille said quietly, "so your addiction doesn't come back. He's... busy."

"Busy?"

"The way James is always busy," Camille told him, gulping and half-smiling, "You know, with a girl."

"Ahh," Kendall said. He paused, staring at the shiny ice and resting his hand on his hockey stick. The silence filled the air, the large dome seeming tiny and cramped.

"Wait," Kendall said, putting a hand in the air, "How did you know I smoke- used to smoke. Did James tell you?"

"Why do you think Logan saw James sneaking around with me?" Camille whispered. She slowly started to descend the steps again, taking them carefully and keeping her eyes locked on Kendall's. "I was there last night," she said quietly, "I went to get you with James. Kendall-" she put a hand over her face, taking a deep breath, "he was so... worried. Not himself at all. It was so surreal."

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked her, watching as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Camille stood in front of him, looking up into his bright green eyes. Kendall just stood where he was, looking at her. If this were another time, another day, another girl, he would've kissed her, right then and there.

It wasn't, however. It was his life. Kendall just stood there, looking at Camille with a blank expression. His face was flat, emotionless, and a little depressing.

"He was really... quiet," Camille finally said, "And he was scared. I mean, he was acting almost like he was pissed, and giving me the silent treatment. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was mad at me." she shook her head, her big brown eyes filled with pain, "But he was just scared, Kendall. He was worried about you."

Camille thought of James that night, how he'd been so intent on going to get Kendall. He was so clearly scared, but he kept his cool. He kept quiet. Maybe it was because if he didn't, he'd freak out, but either way he had, driving through the night, silent and dark. He'd kept his eyes fixed right on the road, even though no one could see a damn thing. With no idea where they were going, and fearing the worst, he'd kept driving. He was on a rescue mission, and it just had to be completed.

"Heroic," Camille finally said, "That's how he was."

Kendall nodded slowly, the look in his eyes distant. He didn't know what to say, do, or feel. Here he was, talking to the girl who drove him to rock bottom, having just made out with his best friend, scaring everyone he knew, and turning friends against eachother.

He needed some space. He needed to clear his head.

"You should go," Kendall said quietly, "I need some space. I- I can't do-"

"I get it," Camille whispered quietly. With that, she turned on her heel and started back up the steps. Kendall watched her curly hair bounce lightly as she walked away.

The door shut, leaving the rink dreadfully empty and vast.

Kendall sighed, gliding across the rink. He stopped at the wall, glancing back at the door. Maybe "space" wasn't such a good thing after all.

_**~*~*~Oops*~*~**_

James ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath and running a hand through his smooth hair. He was really, really tired. He'd woken Kendall up, made excuses for him, gotten punched and accused by Logan, made out with Kendall, sent Camille on a small mission, and had sex with the new girl to cover up his cover up. It was just plain exhausting, and now, it was about to get worse.

He turned a small paper clip in his fingers, glancing down at the doorknob to Logan and Carlos's room. Sure enough, the key slit was turned horizontally, showing that it was locked. Sometimes Logan was so smart, but sometimes he was really, really dumb. James slipped the flattened end of his paper clip into the lock, twisting and pushing it until the lock clicked open.

"What the-" Logan said, jumping from his bed with a start. He wiped his red, puffy eyes, trying to make it look like it wasn't painfully obvious that he'd been crying.

"Logan, you know these locks are shit. If you really didn't want to talk to me, you would've left entirely," James said, rolling his eyes. He grabbed a chair from a nearby desk, pulling it infront of the door. Swinging one leg over the small frame of the chair, James sat down, legs straddled around the back of the chair and arms resting on the top.

"What do you want?" Logan asked quietly, "You already got my girlfriend, what more do you need?"

"I-" James paused. This wasn't going to be as easy as it had been last time. Now, he was a repeated offender. His sentence would be worse.

"Is there really something between you and Camille?" Logan asked, taking James by surprise. The pale boy ran his hands over his face, shaking his head slowly.

"I can't believe I'm even saying this," Logan said slowly, "but this has happened twice, that I know of. Maybe there's something there. Was I just getting in the way? I'd hate to be the reason you can't be happy." His eyes looked pained as he stared at James, who sat, mouth gaping.

"Listen, Logan," James said carefully, thinking of Kendall, slumped in an alley. What he needed was to hear those words spoken to him. It would help him a Hell of a lot.

"I," he continued, gulping. He wasn't even sure what to say, so he just spoke. "I'm really glad you see that way. That you're that chill. You're a really good guy, you know that?" he paused, rubbing his hands together and looking up at the ceiling. "That being said," James added, "Yeah, Camille does mean something to me. I just- I don't think we'd work out. And I really don't want to hurt you even more."

Logan couldn't help but smile a little, glancing sideways at James. A corner of his mouth raised, his signature crooked smile playing across his face. James got up off his chair and sat down next to the smaller guy, wrapping his arms around him. Logan returned the hug, feeling completely comfortable resting his face in the crook of James's shoulder.

"Thanks, James," Logan mumbled, "I'm sorry for punching you."

"I'm sorry for lying to you," James replied, biting his lip. He hadn't specified about what.

_***~*~Yup~~*~***_

**A/N: So, yeah. That happened. Review and tell me what you thought! Sorry for this being so delayed and short and stuff.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I am so, so, so, sooo sorry this has taken so long to update. I have been super duper insanely busy, and had a wicked case of writer's block to top it off. Sorry for the huge delay!**

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><p>Camille closed her bright pink laptop, looking around in confusion. She'd heard a thump, and clumsy steps afterwards. Wrapping her thin gray sweater around her body, she got up off of her bed and walked over to the door. She pushed it open part way and stuck her head out of the door, glancing around for a minute.<p>

Taking a step back, Camille saw Kendall stumbling around her living room. He was shirtless, and his hair was messed up, with low-riding skinny jeans and no boxers on. She raised an eyebrow, watching as he walked into the couch and turned towards her.

It had been a day since she'd gone to see Kendall at the ice rink, a day since she'd seen him at all. Maybe it hadn't been long, but it felt like forever.

"Kendall!" she hissed, "What are you doing?"

Instead of replying, Kendall giggled and stumbled over to Camille, pushing her back, through the doorway, and into her bedroom.

"I'm like so, so glad you're here," Kendall slurred, taking one of Camille's hands. He clumsily kicked the door closed with one foot, and took a step closer to Camille.

Camille grimaced, taking a step back from Kendall's approach. He smelled heavily of weed, and his eyes were puffy and red, with big bags under them. As Kendall continued to come closer, Camille backed up, the backs of her knees getting pressed up against her matress.

Kendall slid a hand around the small of Camille's back, holding her close. He leaned towards her, and when he tried to kiss her, she turned her head. Shrugging, Kendall settled for a kiss on the cheek and gave her a cheesy grin.

"Are you high?" she asked, already knowing the answer to her horribly obvious question. She felt Kendall's body close to hers, his shirtless form pressing against her gently.

"Yup," Kendall breathed. He put a hand on the side of her face, holding it close to his and pressing his lips against hers forcefully. Camille pulled away a little bit, but Kendall barely noticed; he just pushed forward more, unwilling to give up. Forcing Camille back onto her bed, Kendall climbed on top of her clumsily, grinning as he did so.

"Let's just do it," Kendall breathed, fumbling as he tried to grab Camille around the waist. He leaned down, aiming for Camille's lips, but instead missing and kissing her neck. "Let's do it now. Who even cares about Logan? I don't," He grabbed Camille's hips and awkwardly pulled her close. "Let's just do it," he mumbled again.

"No, no no no," Camille said, pushing Kendall away with more force than before. He fell away from her, rolling off of the bed. Slowly, Kendall gripped the smooth surface of Camille's nightstand and used it to help himself get up. Once he was on his feet, Kendall took a few steps away from Camille, still lying on the bed, and put his hands up. He stumbled to the other side of the pale-pink room, not entirely sure where intended to go.

"I don't know what you want from me, okay?" he yelled, "I mean, one second you want to come talk to me, the next, you're pushing me away!" Kendall stopped yelling abruptly, his outcries instead turning to laughter. He stood there, snickering and occasionally barking with laughter, as Camille watched, perplexed, from the bed, still in a defensive position. She loosened her grip on her sheets and sat up, observing Kendall's odd mood swing. Cautiously, she got up from the bed and walked over to Kendall, lightly putting a hand on his bare arm.

"What are you doing?" she asked gently, "What's wrong?" Clearly, he was running from his problems, but why he was in her room, she had no idea. Also, it was a weird time to be out smoking, seeing as it was eleven in the morning. Shouldn't one of the guys be keeping an eye on him? Like James, maybe. James always seemed to have everything so together.

"I don't know," Kendall said, still laughing, "I have no fucking clue!" He spun around in a little circle, stopping short because he was already dizzy. "All I know," he continued through his giggles, "is that I showed up to your house with no shirt or underwear on, and then I was like gonna rape you or some shit, but then-" he stopped, his words being cut off by laughter. Camille crossed her arms, having to admit that she was slightly amused; even though he was high, Kendall's laugh was horribly contagious.

As they were laughing, Camille heard a door open and close. Her eyes widened, and she gripped Kendall's arm, dragging him abruptly over to her bed.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked, slurring his words and laughing as he spoke. He glanced around, as if he was expecting to see someone right beside him, and looked confused when he found no one.

"Shit," Camille hissed, "be quiet. My dad's home. Get under my bed. Now," she ordered, pushing Kendall's shoulders down to a level where he'd be able to get under the bed easily.

"Like we're playing hide-and-seek?" Kendall giggled, slowly and clumsily crawling under the bed.

"Yeah," Camille whispered, "now be quiet. You really, really don't want to be found this time, got it?"

"Mhmm," Kendall giggled, cupping a hand over his mouth as he glanced out from under the bed. The light pink carpet extended out from under the shadows of the bed, and he had a clear view of the door. He heard Camille open up her laptop, her fingers clicking lightly against the keys, and steps coming towards the door.

"Come in," Camille called, hearing a knock at her door.

"Hi honey," Kendall saw Camille's father's feet, with thick white socks, standing by the bed.

"Hi Dad," Camille replied, "You're home early. Work get cut short today?"

"They're having a big meeting," he father replied, hooking his thumbs into the pockets of his blue jeans, "but it's not mandatory, so I didn't have to go."

Kendall continued staring at the man's feet, noticing a small hole in his left sock, allowing one of his toes to stick out. Though normally, this would be commonplace and boring, in his current inebriation, Kendall thought it was just about the funniest thing in the world.

He turned his head, pressing his face into the carpet to hold his laughter back. He dug his nails into the carpet, gripping it tightly and trying to keep quiet. He tried not to breathe loudly or let himself laugh, but it got to be too much, and a bark of laughter escaped Kendall's mouth.

Camille's dad stopped talking abruptly, giving Camille a quizzical look. Camille tucked a few brown curls behind her ear, trying to act casual, as if she hadn't heard anything.

"Did I just hear a... laugh?" her dad asked, his voice sounding as if he was trying to stay calm. Kendall's eyes widened, and his palms started getting sweaty; he knew he'd been caught.

Watching in fear, Kendall saw Camille's dad bend down, the angle of his lower legs coming close to the ground. One of his big hands lifted up the edge of the bedskirt, and soon enough, Kendall found himself face-to-face with Camille's dad. He gulped, his eyes widening even more as he watched the man's expression change from confusion to anger.

"Daddy, let me-" Camille began to cry out, but she was cut off, her face falling as her father began to speak.

"You don't need to say anything," he said, trying to keep his voice calm, "I know this boy. This is Jen's son, Logan's friend, Kendall Knight. Get out from under there, boy," he called to Kendall, standing up to give him a little space to crawl out from under the bed. He watched as Kendall came out, drawing his eyes up the boy's skinny body as he clumsily stood.

"Are you _high_?" Camille's dad asked angrily, his face grave and dissapointed.

"Y-y-yes sir," Kendall stammered, remembering how Camille had said her dad was strict. Clearly, Kendall was just not a favorite for any fathers. He never understood how James got them all to like him. Maybe he was giving them roofies.

"B-but I wasn't having sex with your daughter," Kendall added, giggling despite his bad situation. He may have been terrified, but he was still high.

Camille put a palm to her forehead as she watched her father's expression grow angrier, wondering why Kendall would say such a stupid thing.

"Daddy," she begged, "I can ex-"

"No need," her father replied, putting a hand up, "I'm bringing him home. We'll talk later." He put a hand on Kendall's shirtless back, nudging him forward and forcing him to walk out the door.

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><p>"So, we're cool now, right?" James said, turning to Logan. They'd been sitting on the orange couch, watching TV in silence, which was a rareity for them. Mrs. Knight was in the kitchen, making corndogs for when Carlos got home from... doing Carlos things. Suddenly, there was a firm knock on the door. James turned to Logan, raising an eyebrow in confusion, as almost no one knocked on their door. Usually, their friends just came and went as they pleased.<p>

Mrs. Knight took her oven mitts off, setting them down on the counter and striding over to answer to the door. The bright, cheery smile was wiped off her face when she opened the door to find Camille's father, looking very angry, and her son, shirtless and smelling of weed.

"I found him under my daughter's bed," Camille's dad reported with a flat voice, pushing Kendall towards his mother, "and I figured I'd let you deal with him."

"I'm sorry mommy," Kendall whimpered, looking down at her with a pouted lip.

James's eyes widened, and he whipped his head to meet Logan's gaze, who looked even more shocked. Logan mouthed, "What the fuck," to James, who gulped in reply. He gave Logan a weak smile, noticing the obvious hurt and confusion on the paler boy's face. There was some explaining to be done.

"Oh," Mrs. Knight said, "Okay then," she tried to look past her son's shoulder, "I'm really, really sorry. I'll talk to him."

"It's alright, Jen," he said calmly, his face softening as he spoke to her, "I'm disappointed in Camille, too. I'll see you around, okay?" he said, giving her a friendly smile.

"Okay, thank you!" Mrs. Knight said politely, gently pulling Kendall into the apartment and closing the door as Camille's father nodded, turning away to leave.

"Kendall," Mrs. Knight said, crossing her arms over her chest, "what on Earth is going on?"

"I-" Kendall began, but he was cut off by James.

"Should we go?" James asked awkwardly, using one figure to motion between Logan and himself. He noticed Kendall's eyes widen when he saw Logan, but figured Kendall had bigger problems at the moment.

"Yeah, guys," Mama Knight replied, shifting her weight and crossing her pale arms, "That'd be good."

They both silently got up from the couch, walking awkwardly past Kendall and his mother. James put a hand on Kendall's shoulder as they walked by, whispering, "Good luck, buddy. You're gonna need it," before heading out the door.

"Go put a shirt on," Logan and James heard Mama Knight say as they closed the door, her tone calm but obviously rattled, "then you have some explaining to do."

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><p>"Well, that was awkward," James said, laughing nervously as he walked down the hallway of the Palm Woods with Logan. He'd been making a point out of studying the walls and the carpet, obviously trying to put off a confrontation for as long as he could.<p>

"Alright James, cut the bullshit," Logan replied, rolling his eyes, "_What _is going on here? The truth."

James sucked in a breath, running a hand through his perfect hair. He turned his neck to the side, cracking it before he began to tell the story.

"I was never hooking up with Camille," James admitted, digging his hands into his pockets as they walked along. "Kendall was. It was Kendall the whole time."

"But I saw you-"

"I know," James said, "but it's not what you think. We were going to find Kendall. Remember, it was right after you told us that you were going to sleep with her," James stopped walking, deciding to sit down on the ground of the Palm Woods hallway. He patted the floor next to him, motioning for Logan to take a seat next to him. James paused for a minute, looking up at the ceiling, his hands grasped together tightly.

"She really meant a lot to him," James admitted slowly, not making eye contact with Logan, "He even told her about, you know, his dad."

"Wow," Logan sucked in a breath, wincing a little at the thought. Kendall never told anybody. It was just the boys that knew, and that was just by finding out themselves. He'd never even told Jo.

"Anyways," James said, "I woke up the night after you told us, and Kendall wasn't in his bed. I knew he was supposed to be meeting Camille, but he wasn't with her, either. So I went to go find him," he paused, a guilty smile playing across his face, "I had Camille come with. I wanted her to see what she'd done to him."

Logan frowned, looking down at his shoes and folding his hands together, his arms wrapped around his knees.

"Was it bad?" he whispered, looking up at James's gentle face.

"Yeah," James nodded, "Worse than I'd expected." He paused again, unsure whether he should tell Logan the next part. Logan had never really known about Kendall's previous behavior, just that he was hooked on smoking, and he sometimes disappeared for a night. That was it.

"Do you remember that time you slept over my house when we were fourteen?" James asked quietly, closing his eyes. He took in a deep breath, continuing, "And I got that text, and I told you to get in the car. You were so, so confused, but you did it anyways, and we went for a drive-"

"And we found Kendall passed out in that alley?" Logan finished, gulping at the thought. "Yeah, I remember."

"Look, Logan, that wasn't the only time that happened," James said quietly, "Actually, it happened all the time. Any time I left a party early, saying my mom was pissed, it was Kendall." He laughed a little, his eyes bright and horribly sad, "Except for when it _was _my mom. But usually, it was Kendall."

"I figured, to be honest," Logan whispered, "I always knew you guys were hiding something."

"Yeah," James laughed again, "I guess we just hide a lot. Anyways, the other night, when I went to get him with Camille, it was just like back then. Like that night with you. Buried in cigarette butts and bottles.

"So the next day," James continued, "I took the hit for him. He was pretty messed up, he was craving smokes, and he was hella hungover. He really didn't need you to be mad at him," James shook his head slowly, looking at Logan solemnly. Tears threatened his hazel eyes, brimming them with a light red lining and making them shiny. He blinked with his long, curvy eyelashes, staring at Logan for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," James whispered, "I just should've told you the truth."

"Hey," Logan said, smiling weakly up at his friend, "It's okay."

They sat there for a minute, staring at each other, alone in the Palm Woods hallway. Back at their separate apartments, Kendall and Camille were proably both getting their asses busted, but for the moment, it was just James and Logan. They stared at each other for another moment, when James put a finger under Logan's chin, tipping it up. He pressed his lips lightly against the other boy's, opening his mouth a little and turning it to the side as Logan did the same.

Logan reached behind James's head, cupping it in his hand and feeling the soft hair between his fingers. James kept one hand on Logan's face and gripped the bottom of the smaller boy's shirt with the other, holding the thin, soft fabric between his fingertips. He licked along Logan's lip, tasting his gentle mouth, soft and giving in the kiss.

Best of all, he could tell that Logan wouldn't rather be in any other place, or with any other person. Nowhere but right there, on the floor, with James.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, there's the Jagan! I hope you liked this chapter:) Please review! I'l try to get the chapters up more regularly, especially now that I seem to have my touch back:P**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reviews and such, as always:) For everyone who's been reading since the beggining, I'm amazed you've stuck with me this long:P And everyone else, thanks for reading!**

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><p>James ran a hand over his smooth, brown hair. Logan had gone off to take Carlos somewhere, and James knew that Kendall must not be doing great. He was sure Mama Knight had gone easy on him, knowing his past problems, but she was obviously disappointed. With her permission, James headed into Kendall's room to talk to him.<p>

"Hey little buddy," James said quietly, sliding the door open. Kendall was lying on his back, the covers of his bed rising around him, with his hands folded behind his head. His eyes were staring blankly at the ceiling, unblinking and unemotional. Having known Kendall since kindergarten, James could tell when the blonde needed a hand. This was one of those times.

"Hi James," Kendall said, his high obviously wearing off. James smiled weakly, sitting down on the edge of Kendall's bed. He watched Kendall for a moment, the sunlight from the window flooding over his pale face, and put a hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"Kendall," James said, his tone gentle but firm, "sit up." He knew that if anything, Kendall needed to be doing something at least semi-productive. Lying there like that, with nothing but his thoughts eating away at his mind, wasn't good for Kendall. At least if he was sitting up, Kendall could have even an ounce more dignity, which, at the moment, he seemed to be lacking.

"Why," Kendall grumbled, "I'm just gonna fuck up again. I always fuck up. When was the last time I didn't fuck up?"

"Hey," James said, "don't say that. You're not a fuck up. Sit up, Kendall. Have a little self respect." He nudged the side of Kendall's arm, causing the other boy to throw him an annoyed, hopeless look, his eyes wide and dead.

"No," Kendall replied weakly, "I am. Leave me alone."

"Oh, but you know how stubborn I am," James replied, giving Kendall his million-dollar smile, "You know I'm annoying. I won't give up." He smirked, licking his lips and giving Kendall a mischevious glance. His hazel eyes sparkled in the too-bright lights, showing off their frame of dark eyelashes. It was the look James always had when he was about to stir up a challenge. Kendall couldn't resist challenges.

"How about this," James said, the smile on his face slowly growing, "If I can name three times when you _weren't _a fuck up, you have to sit up."

"Fine," Kendall replied bitterly, turning on his side so he was facing away from James, "But you'll lose. I fuck everything up."

"One," James began, playfully cracking his knuckles as he spoke, "the winning goal at the hockey championships, January 2009. With all those college recruiters watching, all fucking amazed by a freshman."

"Okay," Kendall said, "You got _one_. But no more hockey things. It all counts as one." It was clear how stressed he was, his shoulder muscles tensed and his hands balled into fists. James gently ran a hand over his friend's back, pressing lightly on it and trying to relieve some of Kendall's tension.

"Two," James continued, his hands moving over Kendall's back, working out all of the knots and kinks, "Landing Jo. Of the four of us desparately trying to get her attention, you were the only one confident enough to just be yourself. And it worked." He pressed down with his thumb, biceps flexing as he pushed against sore parts of Kendall's back. James knew this wasn't something that normal guy friends did, and he was sure Logan wouldn't be thrilled, but he and Kendall were different. Whatever the normal rules of friendships and relationships were, for James, Kendall always seemed to be the exception.

"Alright, so you've brought up the sport I gave up and the girlfriend who moved across the world," Kendall scoffed, "That's still only two." He closed his eyes, silently admitting to himself that James's massage felt really, really good. Kendall's mouth fell open a little, and he found himself consumed with comfort thanks to James's treatment. For a moment, his worry actually faded away. Even if only for a moment.

"And three," James said quietly, pressing even harder on Kendall's back, "my dream." He removed his hands from Kendall's quiet body, smiling to himself as he spoke, "Kendall, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. If you hadn't fought for me, for all of us, we'd still be in Minnesota. The fact that you worked so hard, just to give your perfect life up for me, it means the world to me. And that's the truth."

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. Looking down at Kendall, he saw that the blonde was still lying there, his eyes squeezed shut tightly.

"Now would you please, for the love of God, sit up," James added, chuckling a little bit, "I win."

Slowly, Kendall pushed his upper body off of the bed, repositioning himself so he could sit next to James. His tired green eyes shone with the smallest amount of hope, something that James had personally caused, and something James had been looking for and not finding in the past few days. In all of the tail-chasing, love-crazed, downward-spiral behavior, he'd slowly seen the color fade from Kendall's eyes and skin, but now it seemed to be returning.

Kendall had no idea what his connection to James really was; all he really knew was that he wouldn't last for a second without those broad shoulders to hold him up.

"Thanks," Kendall said, smiling as he stared at James's perfect face, every line, angle, and curve appearing flawless as usual. Then, he gradually brought his mouth to meet James's, the kiss gentle, with open mouths, but no toungue. Kendall's hand snaked up to hold James's neck, cupping it gently as they kissed, while the other landed on James's knee.

James put a hand on Kendall's chest, gently pushing him away. He took each of Kendall's hands and put them onto the bed, removing them from his body. James bit his lip, shaking his head slowly, and flicked his gaze to meet Kendall's.

"No," James said quietly, "We can't. You don't really want me, and I don't really want you." He sucked in a breath, realizing the second part never would've been true until earlier that day.

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked, raising a thick eyebrow, "You've never thought this was a little more than just a good friendship?" The look in his eyes showed how badly he wanted to move closer to James, but he didn't; Kendall knew he had to hear James out. The other boy had literally saved his ass countless times. He at least owed James a little personal space and a chance to explain what was on his mind.

"Kendall," James began gently, looking comfortingly into the boy's green eyes, "yes, our friendship is pretty... intimate, but that doesn't mean we should be together. Whenever we kiss, cuddle, grind- you name it- it's not because we truly want each other. It's because we want someone, and it just so happens that the other is there." He took a deep breath, rubbing his long-fingered hands together, "And each of our hearts really belong to someone else. You want Camille, and I," James paused, biting his lip and avoiding Kendall's eyes, "I want Logan."

Kendall nodded slowly, looking at the carpet and taking James's words in. He wasn't too shocked to hear about Logan; he'd seen James check the short, dark-haired boy out many times, and he knew James's words carried a weight that they wouldn't have if they weren't true.

"I get it," Kendall said slowly, sighing, "I'm really lucky to have you as a friend."

"Back at ya, little buddy," James said, referring to Kendall as the scrawny, four foot tall fifth grader who had gotten himself that nickname. Every time James called Kendall his "little buddy," that tiny ten year old was in the back of his mind, looking around in terror from his haunted and beaten bright green eyes.

James wrapped a thick arm around Kendall's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug, just like two fifth grade kids always did.

"Get some rest," James whispered into Kendall's ear, smoothing a had over the blonde's back. He slowly pulled out of the hug, giving Kendall a gentle smile. Kendall, in turn, headed over to his incredibly inviting bed, climbing under the covers. He grinned at James, watching as the other boy pulled the shades shut, then walked over to the door.

"Hey James," Kendall called, stopping his friend from leaving.

"Yeah?" James replied. He turned towards Kendall's bed, giving him a quizzical look.

"Thanks."

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><p>Kendall took a deep breath, his long, pale fingers tentatively reaching forward and curling around the metal door handle. The cold surface shocked him, causing him to flinch a little as he gripped it, pushing the glass sliding door to the side. It moved smoothly, easily allowing him entrance to the room it linked to the outside world. Quietly, he stepped inside, gliding the door back into place.<p>

In the dim light, Kendall tried to make out all of the shapes of the room he'd just entered. He could see a big bed, with the sleeping form of a person. Smiling to himself, Kendall thought of who was in that bed, and how he could make things right with her.

He slowly made his way over to the bed, his feet silently padding against the soft pink carpet. Once he got to her, Kendall touched the girl's pale face lightly, drawing the back of his hand over her smooth skin.

"Hmm?" Camille mumbled, stirring slightly in her bed. She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands, yawning and stretching before blinking with her long eyelashes, opening her eyes and looking up at the figure standing over her bed.

"Hey," Kendall whispered, "It's me." Knowing Camille would recognize his voice, he lifted the side of the covers, crawling under them and into bed next to her. Camille was lying on her left side, and Kendall did the same, wrapping an arm around Camille's upper body. She stayed as she was, with her back facing Kendall, but moved her hand to hold his.

"Okay," Kendall began quietly, moving closer so that his body was pressed against Camille's back, "I'd just like to tell you how sorry I am, for what happened today. I was stupid, I was fucked up..." He trailed off, taking a pause and inhaling the sweet smell of shampoo from Camille's dark curls. Closing his eyes, Kendall continued his speech, explaining to Camille how much she meant to him and how badly he had screwed up. He admitted that he'd been messed up in the past, that she'd entirely crushed him, and that he'd been wrong to hook up with her while she was still with Logan. Despite all of this, he made sure she knew he didn't regret any of it, or at least not the time spent with her.

They stayed like that for the rest of the night, in the same position, talking quietly about anything and everything, with their hands clasped together. Kendall apologized for his behavior a thousand times, or so it seemed, and Camille apologized for how she had treated him. Often, they would just lie there, letting the silence fill the room.

Around five in the morning, the Sun slowly started to ascend, cueing Kendall to slip out of a now-sleeping Camille's bed and slink off across the area and up the fire escape ladder, back to 2J.

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><p><strong>AN: So? What'd you all think of that chapter? I'd love it if you reviewed:)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So, I'm gonna do that thing to you where I confuse you by having a flashback again. Also, there's gonna be more Kames themes, but they're just there to fuel the Jagan. You'll get it later.**

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><p>"Long night?" James grumbled upon hearing Kendall come through their bedroom door.<p>

Kendall jumped a little, looking at his friend's bed. James had the covers pulled up to his nose, and his eyes were closed; he was far from fully awake.

"It wasn't like that," Kendall replied, smiling to himself as he thought of the night spent with Camille in his arms. He knew that for James, any sneaking out to go meet a girl late at night meant a booty call. It was funny how for such a sweet guy, James could be such a manwhore. Still, Kendall knew that James had never valued any of his girlfriends, hookups, or friends with benefits the way Kendall valued Camille. Although he'd always prentended to play this off as James's manwhore ways, Kendall had known James was more into guys than girls far before James had.

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><p><em>"So I was talking to Cynthia Adams yesterday," a small, eighth grade James said. He ran his thirteen-year-old hand through his soft brown hair, smiling at the way Kendall's bright green eyes lit up at the girl's name.<em>

_"Did she say anything about me?" Kendall asked, leaning closer to James and holding himself up with his hands on his pillow. The two boys were in the Diamonds' large living room, with their sleeping bags and pillows spread out on the floor. The high ceiling and big, shiny chandeleir extended above them, filling the room with a bright white light that washed out both boys' faces. They had their heads huddled close together, whispering quietly as to not wake James's family up._

_"Yeah," James giggled, "I think she likes you. You should totally ask her to the dance." His eyes were shiny, the light hazel looking slightly pained, but mostly happy, for his friend._

_"You think?" Kendall replied, beaming proudly at the thought of taking a girl to their middle school semi-formal._

_"Definitely," James told him, nodding eagerly. "And you should kiss her," he added, his long eyelashes framing the corners of his eyes as he smiled._

_"K-kiss her?" Kendall said, gulping and nervously scratching the back of his head, "You think?"_

_"Mmm-hmm," James nodded, "Why, never kissed a girl before?"_

_Kendall's pale face turned pink, the blood quickly rushing to his cheeks. He averted James's gaze, instead flicking his eyes around the room, biting his lip in embarassment._

_"Hey, hey, it's okay." James said, putting a hand on his friend's arm and smiling sympathetically, "It's easy," he assured, "If you're nervous we can... practice."_

_"Practice?" Kendall squeaked, "Like, you and me practice? With each other? Two boys?" Kendall's young voice sounded worried, and he bit his lip, clearly worried._

_"Yeah," James said slowly, "but like, it doesn't count if it's your friend. It wouldn't be because we're gay or anything, just 'cuz we need practice. I've kissed lots of girls; I can teach you."_

_"O-okay," Kendall decided, giving in to James's strange idea. He figured he _could _use the practice, so he could be more confident when he kissed Cynthia._

_With that, James leaned forward, placing a hand gently on the back of Kendall's neck. He lightly pressed his lips against Kendall's and ran a hand down his trembling arm. Cautiously, Kendall turned his head and opened his lips a little bit, shaking lightly as he tried to kiss back._

_"That was pretty good, I think," James said, giving his buddy an encouraging smile as they pulled apart, "Maybe a couple more, for practice."_

_Kendall nodded, biting his lip and closing his eyes, this time leaning forward and kissing James's soft lips first._

_As their lips connected, James told himself that they weren't doing this because he liked Kendall, or even boys; it was simply that he liked kissing, and Kendall needed to learn. He was doing his friend a _favor_._

_At least, that was what James told himself._

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><p>"Mmmk," James mumbled, rolling over in his bed and pulling his covers over his head. "Go to sleep, we have to be at the studio at seven," came, muffled, from under the fluffy blankets.<p>

"Okay, goodnight buddy," Kendall whispered, smiling in the darkness as he changed and got into bed.

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><p>"James, where are we going?" Logan asked, giggling as he let the tall boy drag him out of the Palm Woods lobby. He looked around the dark parking lot, full of cars that wouldn't be going anywhere until morning. James was smiling proudly, an excited grin on his face as he gripped Logan's hand.<p>

"Here," James said, pulling a plastic card out of his pocket and shoving it into Logan's hand. He winked at Logan, watching in amusement as the smaller boy turned the card over, a look of shock and confusion on his face. The front was shiny, stating a random name next to a picture of a guy who looked, oddly enough, a lot like Logan.

"Are you serious right now?" Logan laughed, squinting at his very own fake I.D., complete with a fake name, fake age, and fake signature. As Logan shined the light of his cell phone on the I.D., it was easy for him to see the differences between his face and the one of the man on the card, but if it was flashed quickly in front of a stranger in low light, they might as well have been identical.

"I'm not sure 'serious' is the right term," James said, winking as he flicked his own fake I.D. with his finger. "What Logie, you scared?" he teased. James slung an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders, whispering to him as he guided Logan off towards the sidewalk.

"We're going out," he told Logan, "You need to learn to live a little." James let his hand slide down to Logan's ass, slipping into the pale boy's back pocket. Logan tensed at first, his eyes growing wide and gulping. Despite this, James's hand stayed steadily where it was, unflinching and not about to go anywhere. Slowly, Logan let himself relax, tipping his head to the side and onto James's shoulder as they walked in and out under the streetlights.

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><p>Camille was lying on her bed, kicking her feet as she scrolled through glamorous actresses' blogs. She twisted a finger through a stray curl, which lay outlying from the rest of her piled-up messy bun. Her phone vibrated and she picked it up, her face lighting up as she read a text from the one person who was always on her mind, the one person who managed to make her feel anything.<p>

_Kendall: Hey, ur dad home? (9:48 pm)_

Camille rolled her eyes, quickly punching in her reply.

_Camille: No hes away... but id think u should come over (9:49 pm)_

_Kendall: I dont have to... u can come over here. james nd logan went out, so did mom and katie... and idek where carlos is. Probably should b worried. Wanna come hang out? Theres a really shitty horror movie on, and the couch is too big for one person (9:50 pm)_

_Kendall: that sounded dumb... Im not just trying to hook up (9:50 pm)_

_Camille: Idk why, but ill b there in ten. (9:51 pm)_

Sighing, Camille shut her laptop, glancing in the mirror at her blue tank top and black sweatpants. Thick mascara was still clumped onto her eyelashes from an interview earlier that day, and there were bags under her eyes. Shrugging, she pulled the elastic out of her hair, shaking her dark brown locks loose and letting them lie at her shoulders. She ruffled her hair with one hand, and, deciding she looked good enough, put on one spray of perfume and a pair of flip flops, closing her apartment door quietly behind her.

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><p>"I want this night to be about you and me," James said, smiling gently at the pale-faced, slightly intimidated boy as they sat on a couple of bar stools in a trashy Hollywood night club. Logan was looking around the room, his amazed face reflected in the shiny surfaces that seemed to be everywhere around the club.<p>

"But," he continued, catching Logan's attention with the tentativeness of his tone, "I just need you to promise me something."

"Sure," Logan replied, wondering what James could possibly be asking of him, "What is it?"

"I... I need you to... um... give Kendall permission. To be with Camille," He sighed, folding his hands and playing with a napkin on the bar counter, "He's not gonna be happy unless he can openly be with her, and that won't happen until he has your OK. I know Kendall really, really well. Believe it or not, he doesn't want to hurt anyone."

"I can do that," Logan said, nodding and smiling his cute, crooked smile at the taller boy. He then beckoned the bartender ever, making quick eye contact with James as the girl made her way over to them. James gave him an approving smile, and Logan awkwardly ordered them a couple of shots.

"See, isn't this fun?" James said, clinking his tiny glass against Logan's. He placed a hand on the smaller boy's knee, smiling at the bartender and using his charm and shiny eyes to score them two more free drinks.

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><p>"You came," Kendall said, raising a thick eyebrow as Camille walked through his front door. He watched her from the couch, waiting as she came towards him. He gently lifted up one side of the big red blanket that he'd brought onto the couch, motioning for her to crawl under it with him. She did so, curling into his side and letting his arm reach around her shoulders.<p>

"I said I would," Camille finally said, watching as Kendall unmuted the T.V., letting the bad horror movie play. She rested her head on his shoulder, gazing at the T.V. but not really paying attention to the movie. It was hard to focus on anything but Kendall when he was right there, so close, all hers and all alone. Her breath was hitched in her throat and her heart raced, making her worry that her palms would sweat or she wouldn't have anything to say. Partially closing her eyes, she tried to relax and just let herself enjoy the moment.

"You okay?" Kendall asked gently, sliding his hand slowly down her arm to grip her fingers, "You're being really quiet," Chuckling, he added, "and usually, I can't get a word in edgewise."

"I guess I just don't have anything to say," Camille admitted, biting her lip as she looked up at Kendall, her big, brown eyes catching the light from the T.V. and captivating him. She glanced down as Kendall brought his fingers delicately to her chin, tipping it up slowly.

"Then I guess we don't have to talk," he whispered, his green eyes burning and intense. Kendall pressed his lips against Camille's, shifting the hand on her chin to cup around her neck. He pushed his toungue forward, letting it explore every inch of her mouth as they kissed. Gradually, Kendall pushed Camille backwards, gently cueing her to lie back on the couch. She followed his movements, wrapping her long, thin arms gracefully around Kendall's neck as they kissed.

Camille pushed her hands up under Kendall's thin cotton t-shirt, pulling it carefully over his head. She balled it up and tossed it to the ground, running her hands down his bare upper body and admiring the way he moved as they kissed. Kendall watched her draw her hands over his smooth skin, already beginning to push his own hands up under her tank top.

"Are you sure you want this?" Kendall breathed, his lips near Camille's ear as the blue top came above her belly button, then was pulled off completely. He grabbed her boobs, not bothering to undo her bra but instead moving down and holding her gently curved waist.

"Yes," Camille whispered back, "It's okay now. We're better. We're ready," she kissed him lightly on the lips, sliding her hands under the elastic waistband of his low-riding gray sweatpants. They came off easily, Kendall twisting and rocking his hips as he let Camille pull them off. He moved down, grinding his erection into her and holding her hips.

"Good," Kendall breathed, kissing along her jawline and slowly making a trail down her neck. He kept rocking against her, keeping his hands securely on her hips as his kisses got lower and lower, going slowly from her neck to her cleavage, and then down to her waist. Every so often, he would bite deliberately and lightly on her skin, sucking and leaving small hickeys on her body.

He took the waistband of her sweatpants carefully between his fingers, slithering down over her body as he pulled them off. He tossed them to the side, placing his hands on the bottom of her long, smooth legs and drawing his hands up. Slowly, he felt up her thighs, his hands making their way up to her underwear and slipping under it. He drew one finger up either side of the garment, reaching the lace-covered top and gradually pulling it down. Camille easily flicked the underwear off her foot, getting rid of them once Kendall had pulled them down.

She reached up to Kendall's boxers, palming his erection through the thin polycotton fabric. Tentatively, Camille pulled the shorts off, gulping as she exposed Kendall's length. Taking her eyes off of it, Camille switched her gaze up to meet Kendall's green eyes, gasping as she looked into the intensity of his gaze. He leaned down and kissed her, holding their bodies close together, so close that she could feel his breath wash over her lips when he pulled away. Kendall's hands reached around Camille's back, gently unhooking the clasp of her black lace bra and tossing the last piece of clothing to separate the two of them to the ground.

Kendall grabbed Camille's bare boobs, pressing his lips harshly against hers one more time as he pushed into her. She gasped a little, closing her eyes as Kendall gently moved, knowing it was her first time. He pushed farther into her, grinding his hips to create all the extra friction he could. Kendall's body moved in waves, and Camille followed his pattern by instinct, mimicking his beat and rocking against him. She threw her head back, tangling her fingers through Kendall's hair and digging her nails in ever so slightly.

"Like that?" Kendall growled, pushing her farther and moving his body slightly to the side. He held her bare waist at an angle, groaning as he thrusted into her. Camille moved her hands to Kendall's neck, then down to his back, raking her nails down it and leaving thin white lines. Her breath hitched in her throat as she let him fill her, the pleasure overwhelming and driving her insane.

"Kendall, more," she gasped, holding onto Kendall's hips as he kept going down on her. She pressed her lips to his, holding the side of his face and placing sloppy kisses all over his jawline and neck. She held onto his skin tightly, moaning into his ear. Kendall sucked in a sharp breath, trying to hold himself together as he kept going, twisting and thrusting his hips to their perfectly synchronized beat.

"Camille," he groaned, his breath washing over his female counterpart's lips. He held on to her tightly, taking in a sharp breath as he continued thrusting. Kendall pressed his lips to Camille's, biting her lower lip lightly, tugging on it and then letting go, reconnecting their lips with a slow precision. He rocked his hips, grinding farther into her and causing her to tip her head back and squeal quietly in pleasure. She licked along his lower lip, getting him to open his mouth and gently holding the side of his face as they kissed, his thrusts shocking her body and pushing her up against the side of the couch, the movement controlled but forceful.

"I-I'm gonna-," Kendall hissed, moaning as he hit his climax, Camille quickly following. He rode through it gently, slowly pulling out of her when they were both done. His green eyes pierced her brown ones, searching them to make sure everything was alright. She smiled gently at him, gasping for breath, her heart racing. Camille took his hand, following him as he laid down and pulled a blanket over the two of them.

"That was great," Camille finally whispered, snuggling into Kendall's side, "I am so, so sorry for everything. I'm glad it was you."

"I love you, Camille," Kendall replied, kissing her on the top of her head and holding her tightly against his body.

"I love you too," Camille said. She sighed, letting out a deep breath and closing her eyes, her head resting on Kendall's chest.

* * *

><p>James laced his fingers through Logan's short, dark hair, gripping it tightly and kissing him harshly. They kissed open-mouthed, their movements sloppy and fast, a crazed exchange of tongues and lips. James's mouth moved away from Logan's a little, biting and sucking at the cool, pale skin of his jawline. He left several hickeys, the purple marks darkening before he returned to Logan's vodka-tainted lips.<p>

Logan gripped James's leather jacket, holding onto it with a death grip. He barely knew what he was doing, hurrying to push his lips against James's in their drunk exchange. James had begun to lean forward a bit, forcing his toungue deeper into Logan's mouth and moving his body to the fast-paced beat of the club's music, designed to drive people to do exactly as they were doing: hook up. The smaller boy leaned backwards, trying to hold James's face as they kissed, his hand clumsy and unsteady because of his current inebriation.

"Kendall," James breathed into the kiss, cupping Logan's neck with one of his large hands.

"_What?_" Logan hissed, pushing James away from him. He staggered away from the taller boy clumsily, his vision blurred and spinning as he backed farther from James. Through the blinking strobe lights of the club and his muddied sight, Logan could vaguely see the shock and confusion on James's face, but he'd heard the other boy as clearly as he'd ever be able to in his state. James had said _Kendall's _name, not his. It was time for Logan to leave.

"Logan!" James called after him, "It was just a mistake! I didn't mean-" he stopped short, biting his lip and putting his head down as he watched Logan storm off, disappearing into the crowd.

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><p>Kendall closed his eyes lightly, wondering how long he'd been lying on the couch with Camille. It felt like just a moment, but forever at the same time.<p>

Suddenly, the door swung open with a loud crash, an angry, drunk Logan stomping abruptly through the opening.

"Logan!" Kendall gasped, reaching to make sure the blanket was completely covering himself and Camille. Camille clutched the red blanket to her chest, her eyes widening at seeing her recent ex come crashing through the doorway to 2J unexpected like this. Would he be mad? Why was he even there? They both just gulped, waiting for Logan to say or do something.

"You can have them, Kendall!" Logan screamed, looking directly into Kendall's eyes without even seeming to notice Camille's presence. "They all want you! Camille, _James_, whoever _I _like, they just like you more!"

"Wait, wait," Kendall said upon hearing James's name, "What are you _talking _about?"

"I'm talking about J-James saying_ yourname_," Logan pointed clumsily at Kendall, slurring his last two words together, "Instead of mine. He was supposed to say Logan, but noooo," Logan drew out the 'no' making a small o and leaning down in a sloppy gesture as he said it, "He said Kendall. No one told me about you two. Little old Logie thought he could have one- just one, Kendall- person to himself!" He hiccupped, covering his mouth a little and continuing, "And he said you would want my consent before being with Camille, but I _guess _that's no trouble for you either!" Logan motioned loosely between the two huddled under the blanket, then stormed off to his room, slamming the door loudly and causing Kendall to cringe.

"What was he talking about, with James?" Camille asked, a look of confusion written across her face.

"Nothing," Kendall said gently, "James probably just had me on his mind, with everything that happened. Anyways," he crawled out from under the blanket, grabbing his pants and pulling them on quickly, "if I know James, he's still at the club. Which means we have to go get him." He tossed Camille her bra and underwear, adding, "He did it for me."

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><p>"Have you seen a guy, about my height, brown hair, probably drunk?" Kendall asked the bartender desperately, holding onto Camille's hand with a tight grip. He leaned against the dark marble counter, adding, "Maybe with a smaller guy, with dark brown hair, pale, went storming out a little while ago?"<p>

"You mean that guy?" The woman said, gesturing towards where James sat, beer in hand, talking to two blonde girls in fishnet tights and bright orange tank tops. From the looks of it, all three of them were completely wasted, James with his hair messed up and deep bags under his eyes.

"Yes, him, thank you," Kendall said, quickly pulling Camille through the bar crowd and over to where James sat.

"Hey, James, it's me," Kendall said gently upon reaching them, smelling the stale booze and heavy perfume wafting off James and the girls. "It's time to go home, big guy, okay?" He put an arm around James's shoulders, rubbing the side of his arm and keeping the fingers of his free hand locked with Camille's, who watched, stunned, as James slumped his heavy body onto Kendall. Kendall didn't flinch, letting his friend use his body as a support.

"Canthegirlsss come too?" James asked, drawing his words out, slurring, and coughing a little as he spoke.

"No, James," Kendall told him gently, "just you. Come on, why don't you come home and go to bed?"

"Mm'kay," James mumbled, staggering up and standing with Kendall, still leaning on the blonde's shoulder. He sighed, letting Kendall move his arm around James's back and lead him out of the bar, Camille in tow.

"Logie hates me," James said dejectedly, hanging his head, "I fucked up."

"It's okay, James," Kendall assured him, "Logan doesn't hate you."

_"But he might hate me,"_ Kendall thought to himself, shaking his head to clear the thought to his head. That wasn't the issue at the moment.

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><p><strong>AN: Thought I was gonna give you a happy ending for a minute there, didn't you? Ha! Stay tuned for the next chapter, and please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hi! This is the last chapter of this story. I hope you like it! Thank you so much for reading! And I apologize times a million for having such slow updates. I'm usually not like this but... yeah. Sorry.**

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><p>James forced his heavy eyelids open, his long, curved eyelashes sticking together and trying to stop him. He was tempted to give in, to let his tired eyes win and just put his head back down on the soft pillow, when he heard a soft, oh-so-familiar voice.<p>

"Rise and shine, big guy," Kendall sing-songed, nudging his side gently. James forced his eyes open, seeing the smiling face of the guy whom he'd been supporting for what seemed like his entire life. Funny how now Kendall was the one willing him to get out of bed in the morning, and not the other way around.

Letting out a small yawn, James rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands, appearing more like a cute little baby than a six-foot-two sex god. He stretched his perfectly crafted arms over his head, flexing the muscles that were his own personal pride.

"Time?" James mumbled, turning his head to face Kendall. He watched as the blonde slowly turned, checking the digital clock behind him.

"Around ten," Kendall said, adding, "But don't worry, it's Saturday. That's why we all had such a crazy night."

"Oh, shit, last night," James groaned, covering his face with his large hand. "Logan," he mumbled, letting a long sigh out and dragging the hand over his pretty face. James sat up in bed, inspecting his black v-neck and boxers. A pair of faded, pre-distressed jeans were lying on the floor next to his bed, and he already knew that Kendall must've helped him get them off.

"Did..." James paused, gulping as he looked up at Kendall, "Did Logan say anything to you? About... What happened last night?" He looked around nervously, studying the texture of the ceiling intently. James really, really hoped Logan hadn't said anything. The last thing he needed was another awkward moment with Kendall. He barely even remembered what had happened. He was kissing Logan, and Kendall's name just slipped out. It was an accident. It was all a blur. After that, Logan stormed out, and James didn't remember anything else from that moment to when he woke up in his bed.

"Uh... Yeah," Kendall said, scratching the back of his neck. He saw James's eyes widen, and smiled gently at him, sitting down on the edge of the other boy's bed. "But don't sweat it, big guy," Kendall told him, his eyes sympathetic and tired, "We all screw up. It's okay. You wanna know what happened?"

"Not really," James admitted, worrying away at his lip with his teeth. He looked up at Kendall, his slouched position making him feel like a little kid. Propping himself up with his hands, James slowly nodded, silently communicating to Kendall that he needed to hear the story.

"Well," Kendall said, lowering his voice and turning so that he faced James more, "Last night, I, um, slept with Camille-"

"Alright!" James cheered, a big, shiny, white smile breaking out across his face. He seemed to have converted back to his old self in that second, the party-hardy manwhore who always wanted his friends to get lucky. It was funny, how he could slip back into that personality so easily, not wasting a moment before he'd turn from a thoughtful, sensitive guy, to the tool as whom he was publicly known.

Kendall laughed, giving James the high-five he'd requested, and continued with his story. "After, we were under a blanket," he continued, "and Logan stumbled in, piss drunk, screaming about how everyone he likes likes me instead," Kendall gulped, noticing a wince in James's expression as he spoke, "and then he screamed about what had happened, made some comments about the fact that I was naked under a blanket with Camille," Kendall took a deep breath, finishing his story, "and stormed off. And then we went to get you."

"_We_?" James squeaked, flinching, "Camille saw me like... However I was, too?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded slowly, frowning. "But hey," he added, cracking a smile, "she saw _me _face down in an ally. I think we're even."

"I guess so," James grinned at him. He turned his shouders, cracking his back loudly and getting a grimace out of Kendall. Entertained by Kendall's negative reaction, he turned the other way and cracked that part of his back, too.

"I should probably go talk to Logan, huh?" James said, sighing as he got out of bed. Kendall watched him saunter across the room, trying to convey confidence and indifference, and pull on a pair of gray sweatpants. Kendall smiled, amused by how after all this time, James still tried to act calm around him, when they both knew Kendall could tell he was internally freaking out. Poor guy. James of all people didn't deserve this. Sure, he didn't treat everyone he met like gold, but he'd also always been there for Kendall and the other two guys- always ready to support them or go on a rescue mission when they seriously fucked up. Especially for Kendall. What James had gone through for Kendall, the blonde wouldn't have wished on his worst enemy, and certainly not his best friend.

James reached the door, then stopped, biting his lip. This felt so weird, like the ending of a sad movie. Maybe it was more like a calm before a storm. Just him and Kendall, relaxed and sleepy in their room, as they had always been. James didn't know what side of Logan he'd be facing, or what drama was to come, but he wanted to make that moment last.

Turning back towards Kendall, James crossed the room once again and sat down on his bed, next to his friend. He offered Kendall a gentle smile, taking a deep breath as he looked at Kendall's confused face.

"Kendall, you're a great friend," James murmured, his voice barely audible but still happy, "and I'll always be here for you. But we can't be anything more than that," He paused for a moment, glancing away from Kendall's gaze and fixating on the glossy floorboards. Forcing himself to look back at the blonde, James noticed how the sunlight washed through Kendall's eyes, reflecting off of the light green and bringing out golden tones.

"And I'm glad that's clear now," James continued, "because you're a really great friend. More than you realize. You always have been," He sighed, thoughtfully licking his lips as he spoke, "You're like a brother to me, Kendall, and I never want that to change. Ever. I don't know what will happen today, but no matter what, I want to know that I'll have you to turn to at the end of it, and you'll have me."

Before he could say a word, James felt Kendall's arms wrap around him, his body being pulled in close to Kendall's. Running a gentle hand over James's muscular back, Kendall silently commended himself for their current position. It prevented James from seeing the tears that brimmed his eyes.

"I love you, bro," Kendall breathed, trying to prevent himself from sounding choked up.

"Back atcha."

* * *

><p>James took a deep breath, running a hand over his hair. The moment of peace was long gone. His heart was thumping faster and faster, his palms were sweaty, and his stomach kept flipping around. Part of him just wanted to be back in his room, comfortably talking to Kendall. However, he knew he had to do this. He'd never be able to forgive himself if he didn't.<p>

Shaking, James raised his hand to the door, lightly rapping his knuckles against it. He hooked his thumbs into his jeans' pockets, hoping Logan would let him in.

The door to Logan and Carlos's room opened a few inches, and Carlos leaned his head to the side to peer out, only showing himself from the bridge of his nose up. The door was held like that, as if they had one of those chains that prevented it from opening all the way. If James wasn't about to be driven insane by his nerves, he probably would've found it hysterical.

"May I help you?" Carlos asked, a slightly hostile tone coming through his voice. Ouch. James didn't usually get hostility from _Carlos_. He was much more accustomed to being greeted with video games and pie.

"Uhh... Yeah," James said, gulping nervously, "Can I talk to Logan?"

"You mean _may _you talk to Logan?" Carlos insisted, raising his eyebrows at James. He was talking to James like he was a prisoner, and Carlos was a guard, just trying to break his spirits.

James nodded, glancing away from Carlos's dark and unwelcoming eyes. It was weird; Carlos was usually so open. And he certainly wasn't one to correct, or even know, grammar. He must've gotten the full recap on how James had fucked up.

"I'll ask if he wants to be seen right now," Carlos told him, his tone factual and none too gentle. With that, the little latino shut the door on James's face, apparently going to consult with the boy who'd been hurt by James. Actually, this professional and hostile attitude was kind of sweet: clearly, Carlos was just trying to protect Logan, and he was taking his role very seriously. No one was about to get to Logan if they didn't already have his approval. Carlos would make sure of it.

James waited anxiously, the seconds feeling like years. What if Logan told Carlos not to let him in? What was he supposed to do, just give up? He couldn't. He wouldn't. There was no way James was going to let that happen. It would even disappoint Kendall, and James had sworn he wouldn't disappoint Kendall. He needed to make things right.

What seemed like eons later, the door opened with a high-pitched creak. James looked inside, taking note of Logan sitting up on his bed, and Carlos holding the door open. The floor was littered with socks, magazines, and even some food on one side, and was perfectly neat and tidy on the other. Even if he hadn't been there a million times before, James immediately would have known which side of the room belonged to each of his friends.

"You may enter," Carlos stated in a commanding yet flat tone. He wore a grimace on his face, a clear sign that if you asked Carlos, there was absolutely no reason for James to be there. He would just do more harm, and Carlos didn't like to see people, unlike cats, get hurt.

James strode into the room, trying to seem confident but as approachable as ever. The air felt stiff, tight, as if it wouldn't sit correctly in his lungs because it had been laced with some powerful James repellent. As he heard the door glide closed and come to a stop with a _click_, James felt as awkward and uncomfortable as ever.

Maybe that was a good thing.

"May I sit?" James asked, gesturing towards the bed, next to Logan. After a nod of approval, he took his seat, noticing Carlos standing at the doorway, stationed like a guard.

"Carlos, would you mind getting me a glass of water?" Logan asked, a gentle, pleading tone to his voice. He tilted his head to the side a little and fixed Carlos with a warm gaze that would make a puppy look like a velociraptor. Or so James thought.

"Yes, Logan," Carlos said obediently, turning to exit the room. He was still standing perfectly straight, and James thought he'd look more suiting to his current role if he was wearing a black blazer and a pair of thin sunglasses.

"Me too, please?" James added, hoping to get through to the side of Carlos that regarded him as a friend, not an adversary.

"I only get things for loyal friends," Carlos answered him, his tone clear, sharp, and not tangibly pained. How hurt he secretly felt, on the other hand, was a different story.

"Carlos, please get James a water too. He _is_ our friend," Logan bade him, half-smiling as he spoke. He watched in approval as Carlos nodded, slightly disappointed, and disappeared from the room in search of water.

"Wow," James sucked in a breath, "you've really got him at your command."

"Yeah," Logan sighed, "he's worried about me."

"Well, he's a good wench."

"Cut the crap, James," Logan said suddenly, rolling his eyes at the taller boy, "_I _know why you're here. _You _know why I got rid of Carlos. You want to talk. So talk," he crossed his arms over his chest, a flat, disapproving look coming over the face that had moments earlier been so friendly. Maybe Logan _did _have a soft spot for James, but he sure was going to try to cover it up.

James couldn't help but smile at Logan's attempt at being harsh; he was so cute when he got like that.

"Alright," James began, taking note of how it looked like it was getting hard for Logan not to smile. "Logan, you're arguably the best fucking guy I've ever met," he took a deep breath before continuing, letting the smile drop off of his face and get itself replaced by a serious expression, "I mean, you're nice to people- like, genuinely nice- to anyone you meet, really. You're not gonna go talking shit behind their backs, lying to them, or pulling any other kind of crap on people who don't deserve it. I've always admired that about you. You don't have any dirty secrets, nothing hidden under your matress, at least, not that I've noticed. The truth is, a guy as sleazy as me doesn't deserve someone like you. I don't know if I ever will. And I really don't have any good reason why you should take me, when you deserve someone a hundred times better, but it's not like I'm not going anywhere," by that point, he allowed himself to smile again, "You're kinda stuck with me."

If James had anything else to say, he wouldn't have gotten a chance to do so, because his mouth quickly became occupied with Logan's. Apparently, there was something about being complimented extensively that made someone want to exchange tongues with the other, and James wasn't about to question it. He placed a hand at the nape of Logan's neck, tasting his soft, warm lips as they moved against James's mouth. The kiss was gentle, tender, and somehow fiery hot. James could feel Logan's thumb pressed against the side of his face, and he tipped his head to the side, shifting into Logan's hand. Their tongues wrestled and tangled, leaving time in a mix of slow motion and sudden acceleration.

It was like flying. Falling. Swimming. Sinking. James didn't know exactly _what_, but he liked it.

He liked it a a lot.

* * *

><p>James climbed on top of Logan, clearly not giving a damn who saw them at the ever-crowded Palm Woods pool scene. From the looks of it, Logan wasn't quite as confident, putting a hand on James's chest and pushing him away a little bit as his face blushed red. Carlos sat nearby, giggling and adjusting the neon-framed sunglasses on his sun tanned face as he waved to the Jennifers.<p>

"They're crazy," Kendall commented, shaking his head and looking at Camille. The pair backed away from the large window of 2J, Kendall pulling the girl onto his lap. She settled into his body nicely, fitting snugly in the crook of his arm and entangling her legs with his. For a moment they sat like that, feeling each other's heartbeats without saying a word. The seconds ticked away on a nearby clock, and the silence reverberated throughout the large, empty apartment.

"So," Kendall spoke first, taking a deep breath of Camille's sweet perfume and hair spray, "how long do you think this whole 'peace' thing will last?"

"Who knows?" Camille replied with a small smile. She reached for Kendall's hand with her thin, elegant fingers, entwining them gently and giving his hand a squeeze, "Who cares?"

That was the thing. They had no guarantees, no deadlines: nothing but empty promises. They had no way of knowing whether all would still be well a year, a month, or a day from then, and surely it wouldn't. Nothing stayed perfect; nothing stayed the same. However, it continued, and it was ridiculous, and crazy, and they saw no reason why they shouldn't enjoy the moment of peace- however long it lasted.

* * *

><p><strong><em><em>A/N: So, I'm not sure how I feel about this ending... I think it's a little cheesy, lol. Still, I wanted to bring it back to the original pairing. So yeah, there you go. It's done. Please review!**


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